God Issues Apology For 2016 Celebrity Cull

In an official statement released this afternoon, God has apologised for the ongoing massacre of talent this year, blaming it on recent pressure to beef up Heaven’s on-site entertainment. The statement, published on the Vatican...
Paul Dacre

Is Daily Mail Editor Paul Dacre the most flaccid cockgoblin in the UK?

Unsubstantiated sources allege Dacre is comfortably the vilest hate-peddling shitweasel in the UK. Feel free to tell us if you disagree with these allegations. But we ask, who are we to question the conclusions? Consider...

Katie Price Fails 5 Minutes Into Her Attempt To Go A Whole Day Without...

Three days ago the former glamour model Katie Price, also known as Libya, attempted to last a whole day without doing anything to publicise herself. Unfortunately, the attempt failed spectacularly when Katie tweeted her...
ice cream

Super hunter chilli Yorkie ice cream man-bar ultra plus released for aggressive thrusting straight...

In a bid to expand on the non-gay male ice cream market, a new extreme sports cryogenic experience for man men is being launched. It will contain jalapeño peppers recorded at 15 million on the...

Spacey “to seek treatment” for being horny 20 years ago and coincidentally gay

The publicist for Kevin Spacey has announced that the Oscar-winning actor is seeking treatment, as reports emerged that another young man had nothing happen to him, and that it transpires that not everyone Kevin...

Brexit means boo-boo for May’s haute couture

Prime Minister Theresa May has been pictured wearing some of the very best in British haute couture recently. Her bold departure from her usual conservative (with a small c) wardrobe has been noted by...
Leopard print shoes

Hard Core Fans Dismayed as PJ Harvey Admires Theresa May’s Shoes

Hardcore fans of uncompromising musician Polly Jean (PJ) Harvey have reacted angrily to their musical idol expressing admiration for Prime Minister Theresa Mary May's taste in footwear. The cult singer/ guitarist was reported to have...

Jennifer Aniston found dead after Schadenfreude overdose

Jennifer Aniston was found dead this afternoon at her LA mansion after apparently overdosing on Schadenfreude following the news of the impending Brangelina split. Miss Aniston was apparently found in bed surrounded by glossy magazines,...

Peter Pan of Pop Peeves Proud Populace

Cliff Richards recently learned that South Yorkshire Police will not be pursuing historic sexual abuse claims against him, but he hasn't escaped the wrath of the good folk of Rochdale. The entire population is...

?Miranda Hart falls over for the last time

During a performance in Derbyshire last night Miranda Hart fell over and no one laughed. "It just wasn't funny" said super fan Ewan King who attended the show. "Usually when she falls over I'm in...

MPs & Celebrities injured in stampede to be the most offended

MPs have described the 'hysterical' moment they were crushed in a desperate stampede to be the most righteously indignant and offended. Mike Backbencher - MP for Nether Pissle - was one of the victims...

Tom Hiddleston does a runner.

Tom Hiddleston, the one and only attractive ginger man in the world, has scarpered after news broke today that his relationship with Taylor Swift had ended.  Tom is reported to have told a close friend...

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