Hard Core Fans Dismayed as PJ Harvey Admires Theresa May’s Shoes
Hardcore fans of uncompromising musician Polly Jean (PJ) Harvey have reacted angrily to their musical idol expressing admiration for Prime Minister Theresa Mary May's taste in footwear.
The cult singer/ guitarist was reported to have...
Rochdale Rap Star Arrested On Drug Charges
Hip hop maestro and rap superstar, 30 Bob, from Milnrow Rochdale, was arrested last week on drugs charges we can exclusively reveal.
In a statement he told us:
"Aye, I got caught like. But we rappers...
Icons of children’s entertainment to take refuge for the rest of 2017
Children’s authors, presenters and actors are seeking hiding places for the rest of 2017, the Rochdale Herald has learned.
This year has seen, in very quick succession, the loss of many stars of children’s entertainment...
Jeremy Clarkson’s views are irrelevant say other ageing xenophobic white people
Daily Express readers were quite literally fuming yesterday after tall gammon icon and keen casual racist Jeremy Clarkson referred to Brexit voters as 'coffin dodging idiots'.
The newspaper Facebook comments page was awash with furious...
Mary, Mel and Sue to present new slapstick kids tv show ‘The Cackle...
The trio who recently opted out of any future appearances on Great British Bake Off after its acquisition by Channel 4 announced the news earlier today.
The decision stangely coincides with the news that the...
Jason Manford Kicks Aid Worker from Wall
In a move that is sure to delight anti-refugee groups throughout the country, the once amusing Northern 'comedian', Jason Manford shockingly kicked an aid worker from a wall today.
The incident happened when Herald journalist,...
Farage delighted to be named UK’s top racist
Following numerous occasions where he was always the bridesmaid, Nigel Farage is now delighted to be at the top of his tree in his chosen field.
After the announcement that Prince Philip has retired from...
Gallagher in filthy pool party outrage
Our colleagues at the Swindon Advertiser have told us that bacteria in the water has resulted in the Oasis pool being shut for the rest of the summer holidays.
The discovery of cryptosporidium, which poses...
Ant McPartlin forced to have Anti-Drink-Driving Billboard attached to Forehead as Punishment for DUI
London, England- Embroiled host Ant McPartlin will be hosting something new. While waiting to see what the final outcome of his DUI arrest, Ant McPartlin will be required to sport a billboard on his...
Brian Cox Announced As New President Of Flat Earth Society
Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn in as the new president of Flat Earth Society.
Establishment figureheads...
Elderly white bloke invoking blitz spirit wins Brexit’s Got Talent
In an emotional final show, 102 year old Tommy Atkins held off challengers by singing Vera Lynn songs in a quavering voice in front of a backdrop featuring Lancasters, Spitfires, red phone boxes, sausages...
Leonard Cohen ready to die because 2016 is a total wanksplat
82 year old legend, and the only man currently able to wear a Fedora without looking like an absolute twat, Leonard Cohen has announced that he is ready to die.
Although not in any actual...
Pope to make Roger Moore a saint…
In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today.
The Pope was a keen fan of the 1960s TV show and had...
2016 to do 3 more ‘meh’ deaths before big ‘omfg’ finale on the 31st...
Just before everyone's new favourite actress Carrie Fisher died, 2016 did a couple of 'aw, but they had a good innings' deaths in a trend that's continued throughout the year.
Before that, 2016 brutally murdered...
Government To Implement National Treasure Preservation Scheme
Downing Street has just announced that it intends to implement a ‘National Treasure’ preservation scheme, in a bid to avoid any further British legends dying before the end of 2016.
Following an emergency COBRA meeting...
Safety fears for Peter André.
Fears are growing for the safety of shiny mannequin Peter André, after he failed to appear on the cover of this month's OK Magazine.
Concerned readers had to make do instead with an...