Curse of the Railway Children Strikes Again as Deddie Davies Dies

The Curse of "The Railway Children" has struck again. The film made in 1970 told the tale of a group of children and a railway. However the cast have paid a heavy price for their...
Gerard Butler

Hollywood bimbo Gerard Butler says it never occurred to him that injecting bee venom...

Hollywood bimbo, Gerard Butler has been hospitalised with anaphylactic shock his agent has revealed. Butler, injected 13 vials of bee venom in an attempt to prevent muscle ache following filming. A spokesman for Butler said, "Gerard...

George Osborne admits he’s Banksy confessing “it was my first job”

Evening Standard Editor George Osborne is rightfully popular with recruitment specialists but few people are aware of his first job as famous, mysterious street artist Banksy. The Rochdale Herald’s crime correspondent spoke to Mr Osborne...
Katy Hopkins dressed as Virgin Mary

Pope to beatify Katie Hopkins after death of her reputation…

The Pope has announced that Katie Hopkins will be made a saint shortly, after her reputation sadly died last week. Hopkins's reputation went into an irreversible decline following her defeat in a libel action bought...

Ban on new celebrity Chefs

The government is set to introduce legislation preventing the creation of new celebrity Chefs, after pretentiousness levels in the UK became toxic. It is believed that the trigger point came when the owner...

All Your Faves Dying Just Preparation for apocalypse 

2016 has seen the death of pretty much every famous person you like. We interviewed Death yesterday to find out why: "I KNOW PEOPLE ARE PRETTY DAMNED MAD AT ME RIGHT NOW," said the Grim...
Castle in woods

Icons of children’s entertainment to take refuge for the rest of 2017

Children’s authors, presenters and actors are seeking hiding places for the rest of 2017, the Rochdale Herald has learned. This year has seen, in very quick succession, the loss of many stars of children’s entertainment...
pippa

Pippa, Middleton, Topless Bikini Photo Scandal

Pippa, from Middleton near Rochdale, was said to be bemused today after seeing photos of a topless bikini advertised for sale in Rochdale's premier fashion boutique, Primark. "It was scandalous" Pippa from Middleton told our...
Fauxtrage

Fauxtrage as Woman Responds Rationally to Death of Celebrity

A woman has rationally told a few friends, in person and not on social media, that she was sorry to hear about the death of a famous film star.

Prue Leith reveals Hawking final theory

Prue Leith, the famous cook, presenter and writer was recorded by several bystanders shouting Stephen Hawking’s ‘theory of everything’ at police while being detained for brawling outside a pie stall in Cambridge on Tuesday. “I’m...

Ketty Hopkins joins GB equestrian team

Horse faced professional turd and former Daily Mail columnist Katie Hopkins has apparently been offered a new job by the GB olympic equestrian team. Katie, the former Apprentice contestant and Jungle evictee who lost her...

Rochdale Rap Star Arrested On Drug Charges

Hip hop maestro and rap superstar, 30 Bob, from Milnrow Rochdale, was arrested last week on drugs charges we can exclusively reveal. In a statement he told us: "Aye, I got caught like. But we rappers...

Some bloke from the 90’s announces his “new name”

Some bloke that you sort of remember from the 1990's but you can't really remember why has stepped up his irrelevance by announcing a new name for himself to his Twitter following of junior...

The Beckhams ditch L.A for glorious Rochdale

Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one of the finest footballers of his generation David Beckham (and...
Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn wins prestigious Tony Blair peace prize

Jeremy Corbyn has been awarded the prestigious Tony Blair peace prize and the Rochdale Herald is the only news outlet to report it. The prize recognises Mr Corbyn's contribution over 20 years to the Northern...

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