Celebrity

Popular TV carrot Kevin was among a bag of carrots snatched from the Oldham branch of Aldi by ruthless Muslim gang the 'Iqbal family'. The gang carried out the audacious snatch at lunchtime yesterday, making...

There was panic and pandemonium on a Jet2 flight to Rhodes yesterday morning when the editor of The Rochdale Herald, Quentin Q Fortesqueue, realised that the Gin Service had been cancelled. The cabin crew made...

Hardcore fans of uncompromising musician Polly Jean (PJ) Harvey have reacted angrily to their musical idol expressing admiration for Prime Minister Theresa Mary May's taste in footwear. The cult singer/ guitarist was reported to have...

A woman has rationally told a few friends, in person and not on social media, that she was sorry to hear about the death of a famous film star.

Government officials in Colombia have issued warnings of a double dip recession following the death of former "it girl" Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. Former socialite and darling of the tabloids Palmer-Tomkinson was found dead in her...

Still recovering from the profound damage caused by that picture of Kim Kardashian's arse a while back, the Interweb was dealt yet another bitter blow last night; local internet subscribers were left floundering in...

That guy from that thing, you know the thing, the thing with the other guy that died, has passed away following a long battle with something. Tributes have been pouring in from people all over...

Both the scientific and pseudo-scientific communities express a modicum of shock as tousle-haired synth-pop supremo and thinking housewives favourite Professor Brian Cox is sworn in as the new president of Flat Earth Society. Establishment figureheads...

David Cameron was seen seeking the comfort of his many inherited bank accounts this afternoon after a wounding and very personal setback. The event appears to have been the discovery that history will not judge...

Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one of the finest footballers of his generation David Beckham (and...

A writer for a satirical news site recently spent a lot of time saying that Jeremy Clarkson and Co's new Grand Tour show was going to flop. Now he's been shown to be utterly wrong,...

The BBC has forced Sir Alan Sugar to allow everyone in the current series of The Apprentice to be given a job in the final episode to meet with its inclusive fairness policy. A change...

Good Morning Britain producers made the controversial choice today of asking a divisive, opinionated, loud mouth to appear on their show. Piers Morgan was reportedly shocked by the request, as that's already his job. However,...

Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling. Express reader, Ian Blind told us, "The people have spoken. It's our will...

Finally some good news! The nation was overcome with emotion today as positive confirmation came through that sexual assault based 'comedian' and professional pick up artist Dapper Laughs had at long last vanished up...

Tom Hiddleston, the one and only attractive ginger man in the world, has scarpered after news broke today that his relationship with Taylor Swift had ended.  Tom is reported to have told a close friend...