Business

Dominic Raab has announced that he has completed a very lucrative trade deal with Juice Plus+. A spokesman for Mr Raaab told us, "At our away day in the north everyone  was told that they...

ISIS and all the member states of the United Nations have broadly condemned the British parcel delivery firm and courier service Yodel for crimes against humanity.

Samantha Cameron has triggered an outpouring of concern this morning with the revelation that she has had to send cook to Aldi. And it gets worse. Rumour has it the self-employed mother has even started sewing...

Sausage giant Heck has hosted giant sausage Boris Johnson at their Yorkshire factory for the unveiling of their latest new product. The Boris Johnson Heck Porky Pie looks like a pie but is in fact...

Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of garden gnomes with Gove's face. The loveable gnomes, to be nick-named...

There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster. Rochdale's elderly population had turned out en masse at the voting booths to vote against...

News is coming in that a homeless virgin has given birth to a baby boy in the car park of the Royal Hull Hotel after being told that there was no room at the...

HSBC has told investors today that around 2% of the company's workforce will be made redundant with the focus on anybody who hasn't got a membership at his golf club. The news follows the departure...

In a statement today, popular British high street book retailer Waterstones announced all books with post-apocalyptic themes will be moved to the current affairs section. CEO James Daunt said “Customers have become increasingly disillusioned by...

The failure of electrical retailer Maplin has shocked the market after fuse saw it coming, but is it indicative of the current state of the British economy? Would cancelling Brexit help amp things up...

Sir Horton Brown, head of Southern Rail’s parent Go Ahead and Govia companies is to be replaced this week by the CEO of United Airlines in a bid to improve customer relations. Lord Littleroom, the...

The bank of England and Royal Mint announced today that the new pound coin that entered into circulation this week is made using the blubber of baby seals. After much controversy from vegans, and middle-class...

Medics were today called to Sports Direct at the Kingsway Shopping Centre in Rochdale after a member of the till staff collapsed in shock. Mary Jayne Watson (31) from the Falinge estate was working what...

  White House press secretary Sean "Ginger" Spicer has issued an ultimatum to the US media in the wake of the growing row over the lingerie line belonging to President Trump's daughter Ivanka. Spicegirl accused the...

A new advert for Gillette razors has been lauded by Piers Morgan as, "way better than all that social justice bollocks". Piers and many other single men with little else to do than call people...

Things took a turn for the decidedly unpleasant at the plush new Waitrose store in Rochdale's upmarket Shawclough Road area this afternoon as a spate of panic buying quickly escalated into bitter violence, looting...