National News

Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains have been cancelled and the army has been put on...

The BBC has banned presenters from using the term, "Happy Holidays" as it offends Christians. Rochdale resident Stan Still told us, "This is PC rubbish gone mad. What's wrong with saying, "Happy Holidays"? This is...

Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night. Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group which is to European research what Andrew Wakefield is to...

Theresa May has celebrated her victory in the Tory Party's got talent final by performing a podium dance in the front 10 Downing Street. A journalist at the address told us, "I've reported on some...

In a last ditch attempt to win the X Factor vote tonight,the PM today took the unusual but popular step to separate Boris Johnson from Britain. On some politics show she told some BBC presenter...

Britain has revealed it is spoiled for choice on which incompetent aresehole it has leading it. A spokesman told us, "Everyone is cheering at the prospect of a fresh Prime Minister with new ideas to...

The Foreign Office has denied allegations that a mobile phone issued to Boris Johnson when he was Foreign Secretary was found to contain 15,000 dick pics. A Foreign Office insider, Ivor Biggin told us, "It's...

Scotland Yard and the Met Police are bracing for potential violent clashes at a "Gammon Pride" event being held in London today. The event will see gammons from all over the country converge on London...

Men around the world have confirmed that it's not Christmas until they have seen either a German terrorist or a half naked prostitute fall from the window of a sksyscraper. "It's a close run thing...

The Herald has discovered that father Christmas has been denied a visa to enter the UK on Christmas Eve, amid fears he may decide to settle and bring his entire family. Father Christmas, real name...

Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling. Express reader, Ian Blind told us, "The people have spoken. It's our will...

UKIP members are cock-a-hoop at the news that leader Gerald Batman has engaged the services of Tommy Robinson to advise on grooming gangs. "This is fantastic news" said UKIP voter Cornelius Hardthrasher. "Our quest to...

The latest Etonian voice of the people, Jacob Rees-Mogg, is convinced that his Catholicism gives him the the edge on some woman Jacob Rees-Mogg, who has three times as many children as surnames, has positioned...

Prince William has appeared at the BBC and spoken out against the inaction of social media firms. He said in a statement statement that they aren't doing enough to counteract fake news. It's alleged...

Prime Minster, and Britain's foremost pterodactyl impersonator, Theresa May is rumoured to be announcing that she will be a last minute entrant to this years 'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here'. May, who...

The new Brexit Secretary, Jeremy Rees-Gove has told hard-line Brexiteers to downplay their expectations. "It's become clear that writing something on the side of a bus is no guarantee of achieving it, as we had...