UKIP contains more pricks than Eric Bristow’s dartboard
The political establishment was rocked today when new research conclusively proved that the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) contains more pricks than world famous darts...
Facebook Meteorologists Out In Force
The annual outing of Facebook Meteorologists is in full swing. Facebook servers are under severe strain from the pictures of the first inclement weather...
Pink shirts are all the rage, says man who left red sock in washing...
A bloke who only wears pink shirts now is insisting that they are all the rage having washed all of his white clothes with...
May To Choose Baby To Kiss During Campaign By Enforced National Raffle
Downing Street announced today that all families in the U.K. which include one or more infants are to be issued with a special raffle...
Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea
A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea.
Clarence Tetley,...
Confused Alt-Right activists boycott PC World
Several branches of the computer retailer PC World have reported a spike in confused right-wing "activists" gathering outside their premises in protest.
The cause of...
Retailers unconcerned by “Buy Nothing Day”
UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black...
Roof Falling Down Fastest Thing About Southern Rail
Southern Rail execs are busy trying to figure out how to blame unions for one of their trains falling to bits on its way...
More Guardian Subscriptions Cancelled Over Fresh Crossword Slur
Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the...
Sexism Claim Over Parking Abuse
A driver has defended parking his car across two spaces in a supermarket car park saying "no one would have batted an eyelid if...
Tolkein With Tits set to dominate office conversations as Game of Thrones returns
As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined...
Unwanted crap in loft briefly sees light of day during house move
A VHS video recorder that has been languishing in the loft of a house in Middleton briefly saw the light of day this afternoon.
The...
People who speak in cliches to be removed from breeding population
Sociologists and linguists from Rochdale Community University have discovered that Kelvin Pastie, 31, an unemployed conspiracy theorist, speaks almost entirely in cliches.
"We first heard...
Julian Assange makes the most of the hot weather by opening a window
Julian Assange has spent the weekend enjoying the bright sunny weather by sitting in a room in the Ecuadorian embassy with a window open.
The...
Branson to be Stripped of Knighthood & Awarded “The Icepick of the People” in...
John McDonnell has branded British capitalist lapdog Sir Richard Branson an "enemy of the People" who "undermines Democracy & the Will of the People"...
Prince Nuttall Awakens Britain’s Slumbering Populace With A Kiss
Joyful celebrations were heard throughout the Kingdom after it was confirmed that Prince Nuttall of UKIP had awakened Princess Populace with a kiss.
Handsome Prince...
