National News

The first shipment of thoughts and prayers has arrived in Kensington to be distributed amongst those left homeless by the fire that destroyed Grenfell Tower one week ago.

The one million protestors who were expected to topple the Tory government today collectively said “fuck this, we’re off to the pub” after temperatures in the capital hit 35C. “We’re still really angry about the...

Her Majesty the Queen has today told the government "Let's get this over with. I've got a horse in the 3pm at Ascot". Her worshipfulness is reported to be annoyed for several reasons about todays...

In an unprecedented move Theresa May is to inform Queen Elizabeth that she will need to redo today's Queen's Speech in Parliament because she forgot to say 'strong and stable'. The shock announcement from Downing...

After weeks of uncertainty tinged with tragedy, the hard right fanatical Tories have been hammering out a deal with the DUP, which will finally be made official today at the Queen's speech. The last fortnight...

The white van man community has been under a great deal of pressure to apologise for one of them deliberately running over members of the public earlier this week. The entire van driving community...

Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street has commissioned the famous comedian Stephen Fry. Given the smash hit...

The Prime Minister has faced many difficulties over the past weeks - Brexit, terrorist attacks in Manchester and London, a poor election showing and the tragedy at the Grenfell tower block. Nevertheless, the Herald has...

A Rochdale man woke up Monday morning to his Eye of the Tiger alarm clock, punched the air, and said let’s get to work. Trevor Duckworth, 43, was full of vigour, after a brilliant weekend....

Members of the hard left have announced plans to protest at the Grenfell fire by looting and setting fire to local shops it has emerged. Brother David told the Herald, "The Government's response has been poor...

Millions of Microsoft outlook users are about to receive an unexpected update in their calendars. The Rochdale Herald has just received an email from an anonymous address which  but it appears to have been sent...

Julian Assange has spent the weekend enjoying the bright sunny weather by sitting in a room in the Ecuadorian embassy with a window open. The native of Ecuador told the Herald, "This morning was very reminiscent...

Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the exact symptoms of sunstroke, the search engine has given up...

It's Father's Day and an annual day of depression for men across the nation as fathers are expected to sit, smile and feign appreciation of some truly naff presents. Particular favourites amongst unimaginative children...

The Rochdale Institute of Advanced Fathering has issued a statement today offering to do away with Father's Day on the condition Mother's Day goes also. The offer is a timely one as fathers across the...

Panic has hit the streets of Rochdale today as a unidentified glowing hot yellow glowing orb has appeared in the sky. Terrified Rochdale residents yesterday reported sightings of a glowing ball giving off immense heat...