National News

Terrifying psychopaths around the country have taken time out from planning murders and disembowelling their neighbour's pets to tell The Rochdale Herald that they have already wrapped all of their Christmas presents. The UK's super-organised...

Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police sting operation. The Prince was amongst dozens of beggars on the...

Shock revelations have shaken Rochdale to its very core as documents from the cold war have been declassified, revealing that the 7 sisters were a nuclear missile launch site throughout the 70's and 80's,...

With the season now officially spring, clocks up and down the nations have been moved forward one hour to adjust to British Summer Time; or if you are from Burnley, they just happen to...

NHS hating, pathological liar and leader of UKIP, Paul Nuttall, has today pulled out of the Stoke by-election after it was revealed that his remaining close personal friends were killed in the Swedish terror attack...

The Daily Express has reported that Britain is to experience the worst winter for the last 5bn years. John Muir, of Inexact weather forecasting said, "We have a unique set of circumstances this year that...

The Government has announced a new exciting celebration of Brexit. Speaking exclusively to The Rochdale Herald, Government insider Cliff Edge told us, "The festival will be a celebration of everything that is great about Brexit...

A country that in the year of our Lord 2020 still thinks burning Catholics is a family friendly November evening out, is upset by damage to a statue.  The country, which is approximately 9.6%...

As the New Year approaches rumours are already circulating about next year's Oscar nominations. An early nomination thrown into the frame is Meghan Markle.  The American actress has been nominated by the Academy for her...

Scotland Yard and the Met Police are bracing for potential violent clashes at a "Gammon Pride" event being held in London today. The event will see gammons from all over the country converge on London...

Over 1.8 million Britons have signed a petition to deny a State Visit to nylon-haired snake-oil salesman and part-time President, Donald Trump.  The petition insists that Trump's racism, sexism and general vulgarity would cause embarrassment...

Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have yet to come to fruition. ISIS-supporter and sad little wanker,...

Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer Bob Marley for anti-semitism. "You can't just go around throwing words...

A middle aged Rochdale couple are reportedly giddy with excitement about their annual tedious night out in a horrible club with hideous people  tonight. Barbara and Steve Dickinson have decided once again to go to...

Jim Bowen, the comedian and inventor of darts is to receive a full viking funeral. Mr Bowen, who invented the game of "darts" in the 1970's, died yesterday at the age of 80. He will...

A German national has plummeted to his death after a Christmas party at the Nakatomi Tower in Los Angeles got a little bit out of hand. Herr Gruber was pronounced dead at the scene after...