National News

Not to be outdone by Corbyn's appearance at Glastonbury last weekend, May hastily forms new band to perform at Latitude this July. In the kind of showbiz spat not seen since the Blur/Oasis feuding days...

The Autumn Budget 2017 announced changes to Universal Credit, merging the government's flagship benefits payment scheme with short-term high-cost credit provider Wonga. Mr B.Starde a spokesman for Wonga said: "It's a marvellous merging of ideas....

The Sun "Newspaper" has chosen to symbolise Brexit using a picture of the Alton Towers roller coaster, The Smiler. One reader commented, "It's strange that they've chosen that really. It's like they're telling us that...

Arseholes up and down the country are unaware that it is not the fifth of November, it has been confirmed. From London to Liverpool, the nation’s arseholes are setting off fireworks with no regard for...

The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy. The whale was found beside Battersea Bridge yesterday afternoon. One Government source told us, "We...

Families up and down the country are in the slow process of watching their Christmas trees die after putting them up in their living rooms already. Psycopathic humans around the country are busily chopping down...

Jesus of Nazareth may have had eczema, dermatologists have found. New evidence that The Lord suffered from the common skin complaint emerged following fresh analysis of The Shroud of Turin, thought to be the old...

Biologists wielding enormous magnifying glasses today discovered a newt thought to be the world's smallest living thing. This infinitesimal being has been proved by scientists to have less substance than the Tory manifesto; less conscience...

A Rochdale Dad has broken protocol by announcing that he has begun thinking about thinking about starting his Christmas shopping with more than a week to go till Christmas. Parenting authorities were called to an...

There will be fewer quiet nights during October after the authorities in charge of the House of Commons agreed to give the recently renamed Massive Mohammed permission to bong during the religious festival of...

The Tory Party has declared victory in its war against the disabled and announced it will re-deploy its resources in a war on pot holes. A spokesman said, "Our victory is accomplished. We have difficult...

After celebrating the amazing success of Team GB at the Winter Games, winning 5 medals at a cost of only £28 million, the whole of Britain was inspired to stay at home when it...

As part of her Key Note speech to the Conservative Party Conference today Theresa May is set to announce this explosive coup for the Torys & Brexiteers - Peter Andre is set to turn...

Steven Woolfe, the UKIP MEP, is being hailed as a “Medical Miracle” after becoming the 1st person in history to have had sense knocked into him.

Conservative Party Central Office have announced this week that new members will be recieve a variety of benefits including discounts at Michael Gove's new chain of restaurants "Kentucky Fried Pheasant." The first restaurant is due...

Brexiteers have been scrambling around attempting to tell everyone that 14,000 job losses at Airbus and 3.8 million settled migrants was on a completely different bus. Cliff Edge said, "On the one hand you could...