Theresa May: Donald Trump told me to grab EU by the pussy

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Donald Trump told Theresa May that she should "grab the EU by the pussy" rather than ask for its consent, according to an interview...

Windsor council workers sledging to work on frozen homeless people

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Councillors in Windsor have been seen sledging using the frozen bodies of homeless people. One told us, "The council wanted them all removed for the...
Entrenching Tool

Digging f#*#*#g foxholes is new black in today’s British Army

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The humble British Army entrenching tool, a short, squat, folding standard NATO issued 3-way shovel, pick and close combat weapon, has surged in popularity amongst...

Police force man to remove clothing on Rochdale beach

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Photographs have emerged of armed police confronting a diver on Rochdale's now notorious Stansfield Beach. In this most recent effort to enforce new laws...

“It’s Warmas” declares Britain

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Are you hanging loads of poppy's on the wall? Is your granny telling you stories about fighting in the Second World War despite only being...
Farage

Right wing nutjob calls right wing nutjob a right wing nutjob

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Leading members of the Right Wing Nutjobs Association have been flinging accusations around willy-nilly to the amusement of 'leftie libtards' everywhere. Right wing nutjob...
David Davis

New train timetables also a massive success, confirms Davis

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The imposition of sweeping timetable changes on Britain's railways for the first time in 17 years has been an unmitgated success, it has been...
face palm

March Against Hate Wins World Irony Cup

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The World Irony Championship has been cancelled for 2017 after anti-Muslims calling themselves UK Against Hate held a march against extremism. “We normally wait until...
Farage

Please stop comparing me to Hitler pleads bloke who just gave speech to German...

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A bloke who gave a rabble rousing speech to a bunch of Nazis in Germany has put out a plea on social media asking...

Middle aged man now communicating entirely by sighing

Authorities in Lancashire are trying to solve the riddle of a man in Rochdale who is now communicating with the outside world only by...
William and Kate

Prince William criticises social media firms about fake news to cover up numerous affairs...

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Prince William has appeared at the BBC and spoken out against the inaction of social media firms. He said in a statement statement that...
Theresa May

You’re In Or You’re Out

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Casual racism is set to become a thing of the past under new Prime Minister Theresa May. Shoe-obsessed Theresa May has announced plans to eradicate...
Man in warm coat

Hurricane Ophelia upgraded to category 5 after northern man zips up coat

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Storm Ophelia is battering the UK and Ireland with gusts up to 80mph. After a report of a northern man tutting at a flurry...
Corgi

Queen deciding which Corgi to shoot first if Corbyn becomes Prime Minister

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Buckingham Palace sources have reported that the Queen is currently trying to decide which of her Corgis to shoot first should Jeremy Corbyn be...

Man singing “Free Tommy Robinson” thought he was entering competition to meet him

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A man who spent yesterday in London singing "Free Tommy Robinson" has said he thought he was entering a competition to meet him. Dave Wild...
Chemistry

Everyone on Facebook expert in analytical chemistry all of a sudden

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Everyone on Facebook is now an expert in analytical chemistry it has been revealed. The news comes after scientists at Porton Down revealed that they...

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