Are you hanging loads of poppy’s on the wall?
Is your granny telling you stories about fighting in the Second World War despite only being 74?
Have you finished all your shopping?
Have you got your gifts wrapped and your dinner sorted?
If you’ve answered yes to the above then it’s time to wish everyone Merry Warmas.

Rochdale resident Cliff Edge told us, “I’ve been wearing my poppy’s since September. I’ve out patrioted everyone I know. I’ve even come up with 5 new poppy wearing rules and have sprayed my car with poppy’s. I’ll be there front and centre tomorrow singing 10 German Bombers. If I see any lefty millennial snowflake trying to ban the poppy I’ll be hanging them from a lamppost.”

Today has been dubbed “Super Saturday” by shops that are definitely not cashing in at all. It’s expected that 14 million people will be out today getting their last minute shopping in.

Rochdale resident Stan Still told us, “I haven’t had time to do my shopping yet. I’m going to nip into Argos this afternoon and hope there’s a commemorative bayonet or something for the wife. Last year I got her some genuine Phosgene canisters .”

Shop manager Bill Board told us, “We’re not profiting in any way. People want to commemorate 100 years since the end of World War One. If they want to buy a plastic tree with a poppy on it that we haven’t been able to sell the rest of the year that’s up to them. If you don’t agree with that then we’ll shut you down by saying you don’t care about dead soldiers. You’re the sort of person who would urinate on a War Memorial. I can’t think of a better way to commemorate men in tunnels kicking other men to death than with a pizza with pepperoni arranged in the shape of a poppy.”

It’s Warmas.

Satire Aid is back!Visit the Satire Aid website.

SHARE
Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.