David Blunkett confirms he’s still blind following driving test

The Rochdale Herald can exclusively confirm that David Blunkett is still blind. Mr Blunkett confirmed the findings of his most recent eye sight test earlier today. A spokesman told us, "Earlier today Mr...

Cummings reveals he was attending Durham Pizza Express

Dominic Cummings has dramatically revealed that he was visiting Durham's Pizza Express on the advice of Prince Andrew. In a televised interview Cummings said, "I remember the trip very...

Dominic Cummings appears on TV to tell plebs to f*** off in person

Dominic Cummings has appeared on the BBC to tell everyone to f*** off and leave him alone. Speaking to Secretary of the Boris Booster Club, Laura Kuenssberg, Cummings said, "It's been a ridiculous...

Travelling 250 miles to avoid taking care of child unsurprisingly fine with Boris Johnson

The role of senior Downing Street Adviser Dominic Cummings was called into question after news emerged that he had seen fit to visit the north east not once, but twice.  This amount...

Government pressed on exit strategy for NHS clapping

Labour leader Keir Starmer has urged the Government to publish its exit strategy this week, as he warns that the "silent pressures on families and communities across the country cannot be underestimated". In...

Vegetable that looks like Prince Charles discovered on Rochdale allotment

A Rochdale man has spoken to us about vegetable he has found that looks remarkably like Prince Charles.  Bill Board told us, "It was last Saturday that I found it. I saw it...

Daily Mail photo editor awarded the Iron Cross

The chief photo editor for The Daily Mail has been awarded the Iron Cross this afternoon. A spokesman for The Daily Mail said, "This award is great news. Cropping those black kids out...

Daily Mail demands children be taught anatomy using dead bodies of their teachers

The Daily Mail has today announced that school pupils in England should be taught anatomy using the dead bodies of their previously living teachers. In an article entitled, 'Let our teachers be...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling announces he’s pregnant after taking Covid-19 antibody test

Chris Grayling has revealed he's pregnant after he took the new Covid-19 antibody test.  A spokesman said, "It came as quite a surprise for Chris that he was pregnant. He wasn't even trying...

UK appoints man that burnt 5G mast down to plan lockdown lifting

The UK Government has announced that it has appointed a new 'Lockdown Czar' to lead plans to lift the lockdown. Bill Board from Rochdale was given the job after collecting 20 bags...

Captain Tom finally able to pay Wonga loan off

Captain Tom Moore is reportedly thrilled that his fundraising has been so successful that he's finally able to pay off a loan he took out with Wonga in 2015. A spokesman told us,...

Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy

Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds on the birth of their son. Ms...

Treasury seek OAP to sit in baked beans to fund Social Services

In a surprise press release, the Treasury have today revealed a novel initiative to bolster funding for cash-starved Social Services. In the statement, Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rishi Sunak announced, "Following the outstanding...

Ben Fogle quits Animal Park to try his hand at ventriloquism

Popular broadcaster and adventurist Ben Fogle has been declared an endangered species on Twitter after sustaining numerous headshots from people ridiculing his idea for singing to the Queen. The 46 year old, whose other good...

Which filthy johnny foreigner should you blame for Covid-19?

All over Britain, McDonald's branches are silent and your gran might die from Covid-19. The PC libtards say this is a result of complex factors interplaying that mean that a novel virus...

Prince Andrew self isolating in Windsor with Olivia-16

Following the news that Prince Charles has contracted Covid-19, The Rochdale Herald has learned that Prince Andrew is self isolating at his home in Windsor Great Park having picked up Olivia-16. More on...

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