Fat Controller to be renamed Big Boned Team Leader in Thomas revamp’
Anti-bullying & equality campaigners have praised plans by children's show Thomas the Tank Engine to highlight modern issues in the latest series of the...
“If it wasn’t for Churchill you’d be speaking German” says man performing nazi salute...
A man has told the Rochdale Herald that he's protecting the statue of Winston Churchill in Whitehall because, "You'd be speaking German if it...
Travelling 250 miles to avoid taking care of child unsurprisingly fine with Boris Johnson
The role of senior Downing Street Adviser Dominic Cummings was called into question after news emerged that he had seen fit to visit the...
Collins Dictionary compilers to take course in basic arithmetic after calling ‘fake news’ the...
Lexicographers who compile the Collins English Dictionary have been signed up en masse for a course in basic arithmetic, it has been revealed.
The move...
Three year old child sits still and shuts up for five minutes
Unconfirmed reports are coming in from Rochdale that a three year old child sat still in contemplative silence for five whole minutes last Tuesday...
Prince Philip Declares He Will Only Die In Battle
The Queen's husband and consort, Philip "The Swagger" Windsor, has revealed he is privately wishing for renewed hostilities with "that red headed rabble", by...
Shock as Pudsey Bear arrested just one hour before Children in Need goes live
The BBC is in a state of chaos and panic this evening as they desperately scramble to find a replacement for Children in Need...
Babies born in Britain today to hear about home ownership via myths and legends
Researchers from the Rochdale Institute for Social Morphology released today the results of their latest study into the changing oral traditions of the British...
Rupert Murdoch still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister
With only two days of campaigning left before the general election, polling suggests that Rupert Murdoch is still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving...
We survived Bubonic plague so we’ll probably survive Brexit, Government assures Britain
The Government has released advice on what to do in the event of a 'no-deal' Brexit. The advice has the catchy strap line, "No-deal,...
Everybody wondering where the one car with snow on it came from
Drivers all over the UK are wondering where the hell that one car with snow on it has come from.
"Where on Earth has that...
Cat who shit in litter tray lined with Daily Mail appointed editor
A cat who took a poo in a litter tray lined with a copy of the Daily Mail has been named as new editor...
For f*ck’s sake put a top on, men told
Men have been asked to put some clothes on because they really shouldn't be in the pub half naked.
Professor Gareth Linkeker of the Institute...
Prince Harry to marry woman he is barely related to
Prince Harry is breaking with Royal protocol by marrying an American actress he is barely related to.
Kensington Palace are said to be disturbed saying...
Muppet fury over South West Trains slur
Muppets across Britain are furious today after learning that the name of their species was used as a slur to describe vandals by an...
And now we watch it die, parents tell children after choosing Christmas tree
Families up and down the country are in the slow process of watching their Christmas trees die after putting them up in their living...
