With temperatures plummeting across the British Isles, many patriotic politicians are complaining at their lack of opportunities to escape the country.
Conservative Politicians Jeremy Hunt, Liam Fox, Michael Gove, and David Davis were spotted walking across Parliament Square with their hands in their own pockets. So naturally, we stopped them to ask what was going on.
“We need to get out of this Weather Union as soon as possible,” said Liam Fox. “Once Brexit is completed, we will have all the authority we need to organise British trade missions to the Commonwealth, separate from any EU nonsense. Do you realise just how many options that would give me in the Caribbean alone to escape this weather?”
Spam Pob hybrid Michael Gove was in agreement, adding “currently, we have to rely on my dreadful wife ‘reviewing’ holidays for her dreadful newspaper. Whilst she does enjoy bossing around the hotel staff making references to what the Secretary of State requires, she then castigates me for not providing my fair share of grift. It’s quite trying you know.”
David Davis was more sanguine, “sorry, were my hands in my pockets? Well, I’m a red blooded male, and we have really hired some of the very best research talent into the Department for Exiting the European Union.”
Meanwhile in Northern Ireland, grift is unaffected, with the DUP able to take shelter in empty heated barns chuckling about Cash for Ash, whilst they continue to count their £1 billion from the magic money tree.