Man that failed GCSE Science now an expert in pediatrics

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A Rochdale man who failed GCSE Science has revealed he's an expert on pediatrics and specializes in treatments for Pneumonia. Bill Board loudly announced...

Rochdale AFC Announce Stadium Expansion

Rochdale's Spotland stadium is set to unveil a new corporate section "with a difference" above the Willbutts Lane stand, in honour of world famous...

World hunger solved after Jeremy Corbyn urinates on field

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World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale. One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one...

Froom wins fourth Tour de Rochdale

Albert Froom was declared the winner of the Brown Vest yesterday after winning his fourth Tour De Rochdale. The famous bicycle race starts at The...

Racists Shocked To Learn Arabic Words Have English Translations

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Racists up and down the country have been shocked to learn that certain Arabic words like “Allah” and “Halal” actually translate into regular English...

Panic as rebel Corbynistas take West Didsbury

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Residents of the leafy south Manchester suburb of West Didsbury were forced to spit their skinny lattes out in shock this morning after the...

Hipster admits it is “exhausting” being a tool 24/7

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Every now and then a new fad will infect society and be scoffed at by decent people, until it fades away into the abyss,...

Lisa Stansfield’s New Album Celebrates Rochdale Hero

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Fans of Rochdale songstress Lisa Stansfield will be pleased to hear that her latest release, the eighth album from the evergreen pop sensation, is out...

Woakes Croaks – Jokes Hoax Chokes Stokes’ Folks

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It has been revealed that a story about England cricket all-rounder Ben Stokes, which was definitely not printed in the Rochdale Herald, was a...

Rochdale woman who found Hitler’s face on slice of toast converts to Nazism

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A Rochdale woman who found Hitlers face in a slice of toast has revealed she's converted to Nazism. The woman's son said, "About a week...
Boiling Sprouts

Christmas lunch already ruined after Grandma forgets to start cooking sprouts before end November

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A Rochdale family has had to cancel Christmas this year after Grandma admitted that she had forgotten to start cooking the sprouts in November. Pamela...

Paul Simon to redo one of his biggest hits in tribute to ex EDL...

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In a world exclusive, The Rochdale Herald can reveal that super succesful singer songwriter, Paul Simon, is working on a rewrite of the hit...

Border collie describes his life as a series of trials

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Malcolm, an inner city border collie, has spoken exclusively to the Rochdale Herald and explained he does not understand why the children in his...

Rochdale TV Company Suffers Latest Blow

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Executives at Rotherham based media company Hot Pot Productions were left floundering today after yet another blow, the announcement that their flagship production, a...
Writer

It’s too damn hot to write satire says satirist

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Dick Turnip, writer for the Rochdale Herald, has been left unable to write a single humorous thing commenting on, or parodying the day's news. "It's...

Three in critical condition after tragic scone miss-pronunciation attack

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Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three...

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