A group of five Archbishops of Canterbury are to sue the building firm Klumsi ‘n Fook. 

Klumsi ‘n Fook, were carrying out renovation works on a small chapel when they accidentally broke the flagstones inside the church.

“It was seat of your pants stuff.” Reg Klumsi told The Rochdale Herald’s religious building specialist.

“We were just supposed to touch up a bit of paint on the ceiling. Wear and tear. Prayers do that to paintwork over time. They cause mold and such. Unanswered prayers play havoc with plumbing. But Fook couldn’t get an angle for his ladder.”

“I couldn’t.” Fook interjected. “It was Klumsi’s fault anyway. Tight fucker, scuse my French, wouldn’t let us get a fry up until we’d at least got sorted to start work.”

“You’d be on the bog an hour after that black pudding. You know it. Waiting for the beast to arrive. We’d have to break for lunch before we started and I wanted”

“Leave off. You were too hung over to eat. Cheeky sod.”

Anyway, they broke the floor…

“Moving that big stone water bucket thing. What’s it called?”

“The fount.”

“Right. We shoved that to the side. Before we realised it was bolted down.”

“Health and safety gone mad.”

“And the bolts pulled up the stones and shit me Jesus there was this puff of musty air and a black hole.”

“And all these bloody Archbishops started clambering out blathering about the resurrection.”

“They weren’t half pissed when we said, sorry me auld mucker, it’s flipping Easter weekend. So you’re in the right ball park.”

“It wasn’t the resurrection.”

“No. It wasn’t. Daft buggers.”

“Anyways we took them for a fry up and they all got food poisoning and now they say they’re going to sue us.”

“Health and safety.”

“It’s gone mad.”