Have Rochdale Tesco Implemented a New Stop And Search Policy?

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Following a recent spate of shoplifting, Rochdale's Littleborough branch of Tesco Express came under fire today for apparently launching a dramatic new zero-tolerance 'stop...

Sports Direct worker in critical condition after selling bag for life and giant mug

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Medics were today called to Sports Direct at the Kingsway Shopping Centre in Rochdale after a member of the till staff collapsed in shock. Mary...
sperm bank

Man who failed GCSE science now an expert in Novichok

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A Rochdale man who failed GCSE science has revealed that he is now an expert in Novichok. Bill Board revealed his previously hidden talents...

Family dog doesn’t understand why you reward your children with food

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Malcolm, an inner city border collie, has spoken exclusively to the Rochdale Herald and explained he does not understand why the children in his...

Blockbuster Video returns to Rochdale high street in post EU Britain

There were scenes of creaky jubilation on Rochdale's decaying high street as crowds celebrated the return of retail giant Blockbuster. Rochdale's elderly population had turned...
angry

Inheritance should be spent on chardonnay and cruises not care says Rochdale man

Rochdale man Martin Williams has spent today in his local pub attacking the 'Tory Death Tax'. Williams 48, told the Herald, "It's ridiculous. My mum and...

Smug Husband packs Christmas shop into fridge

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A smug father of two from Bolton has taken the plaudits of his close friends and family as he managed to pack away all...

Manchester residents perform ceremony to bring rain back

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Manchester residents are delighted that their rituals to the Rain God have worked and banished the burning eye that brings only searing skin pain. Dr...
Writer

It’s too damn hot to write satire says satirist

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Dick Turnip, writer for the Rochdale Herald, has been left unable to write a single humorous thing commenting on, or parodying the day's news. "It's...

Only 6 sleeps until poppy day, fascist children told

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The children of Fascists have been conveying their excitement at there only being 6 more sleeps until poppy day. 7 year old Bill Board said,...

May announces textile regeneration scheme for the Northern Powerhouse

As the race for the Tory Party Leadership heats up, Teresa May has today announced transformative economic reform plans for the Northern Powerhouse. The ambitious...
theresa nay laughing

Only two Prime Ministers until Christmas

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It may only be July but there are only two Prime Ministers until Christmas. That's according to the British Christmas Monitoring League. The warning comes...

Liberal hospitalised after catching racism from Daily Mail

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A Rochdale man has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital today after contracting racism from a close encounter with the Daily Mail.  Colin Nigelsson, a...

Homeless Bloke says Stop buying me McDonald’s, I’m homeless not f***ing desperate

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A homeless Rochdale man has been telling the Herald about how he's fed up of virtue signalling people only buying him McDonald's meals. David Wild...
Water Treatment

Lancashire residents to be given counselling as water supply found to be contaminated with...

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Water company United Utilities has been fined £300,000 after supplying water unfit for human consumption. Nearly a million households in Lancashire were warned they should...
NewsThump

Berners-Lee quits Internet following Rochdale Herald “Row with Linda”

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The creator of the World Wide Web has today declared that he officially "cannot be arsed" with the Internet anymore.  This comes after the revelation...

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