Burnley

Burnley twins with itself

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After an extensive search, the Burnley Council has decided that the town best suited to twinning with Burnley is Burnley itself. "We hired a consultant...
sperm bank

Man who failed GCSE science now an expert in Novichok

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A Rochdale man who failed GCSE science has revealed that he is now an expert in Novichok. Bill Board revealed his previously hidden talents...

Rochdale Herald Editor Re-admitted to Hospital

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Herald editor, Quentin D. Fortesqueue has been re-admitted to Rochdale General Hospital for surgery to remove his tongue from his cheek. The jaded and cynical...
Angry Man

Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend

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Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the...

First Burnley resident to complete 40 minute mile dies at 29

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The Rochdale Herald is sad to report that the first Burnley resident to complete the 40 minute mile has died aged 29. Bill Board completed...
Hose Pipe Bans

3rd Day of Sunshine sees Hose Pipe Bans Across UK

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As the heatwave currently hitting the UK enters its third day water companies across Britain have enforced hose pipe bans once again. Despite months of...

Rochdale Infirmary to Trial Office Hours

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Due to severe cut backs, Rochdale Infirmary is to trial working office hours only. This is a first in the UK since the inception...

Border collie describes his life as a series of trials

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Malcolm, an inner city border collie, has spoken exclusively to the Rochdale Herald and explained he does not understand why the children in his...
Dinner party group

Cheap bottle of wine is eventually returned to original gift giver

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A bottle of £3.50 red wine from Lidl, which was brought to a house warming, has finally been returned to the cheapskate couple that...

Manchester residents perform ceremony to bring rain back

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Manchester residents are delighted that their rituals to the Rain God have worked and banished the burning eye that brings only searing skin pain. Dr...

Child believes summers are warm and England are good at football

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Worrying news reaches us from a Rochdale suburb of a child who has not yet learned the truth There are certain core truths you learn...

Rochdale woman in loo roll change shock

There were scenes of jubilant confusion in the Middleton area this afternoon after a Rochdale woman discovered that her husband had refilled the toilet...

May announces textile regeneration scheme for the Northern Powerhouse

As the race for the Tory Party Leadership heats up, Teresa May has today announced transformative economic reform plans for the Northern Powerhouse. The ambitious...

Playground craze leads Burnley kids to discover deodorant

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Hundreds of Burnley schoolchildren are now aware of the existence of deodorant thanks to the recent playground craze. The craze involves spraying deodorant from a...

Rochdale UKIP councillor demands best of three for  Re-Referendum

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Following the announcement that Labour leadership challenger Owen Smith has promised to hold a second referendum on Brexit if he topples Jeremy Corbyn in the upcoming...

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