‘If it wasn’t for your size I’d eat you’ cat admits to owner
An honest cat has admitted to its owner that the only reason it hasn’t eaten her is down to her relative size.
The cat explained...
PARENT’S FURY AT COMPULSORY ARABIC LESSONS AT ROCHDALE PRIMARY SCHOOL
Parents are furious about Rochdale Primary School's decision to force children to learn Arabic symbols in Maths lessons.
Many parents believe that forcing their children...
Rochdale Herald Editor Re-admitted to Hospital
Herald editor, Quentin D. Fortesqueue has been re-admitted to Rochdale General Hospital for surgery to remove his tongue from his cheek.
The jaded and cynical...
Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend
Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning.
As millions of us check up on the...
OFSTED Chair in hot water over Rochdale “toilet block” comments?
Ofsted chairman and former complete banker David W Hoare is in hot water again after, according to our anonymous source, allegedly describing our beloved...
The Beckhams ditch L.A for glorious Rochdale
Today the Herald can exclusively reveal the jaw dropping news that the world's biggest star, glamour model, fashion icon, tireless charity worker and one...
First plastic fiver in Rochdale passed around pub
Barry Noakes, a 53-year-old welder from Heywood, walked into the Regal Moon last night like he was king of the world.
He strutted to...
Cheap bottle of wine is eventually returned to original gift giver
A bottle of £3.50 red wine from Lidl, which was brought to a house warming, has finally been returned to the cheapskate couple that...
Man who called neighbour Greg for eight years disappointed to learn he’s actually called...
Maximilian Fontwhistle has professed to being furious about wasting energy trying to be a good neighbour.
"For eight years my neighbour has been calling me Greg."...
Child believes summers are warm and England are good at football
Worrying news reaches us from a Rochdale suburb of a child who has not yet learned the truth
There are certain core truths you learn...
Couple decide not to get new bathroom after all
A couple from Middleton have decided not to get a new bathroom suite after reading in The Daily Mash about a couple who decided...
Rochdale spies suffer eye strain after being exposed to local man’s tackle
Two of Rochdale's well known top secret spies were today recovering in Specsavers after local man, Fred Higglesworth, exposed himself after drinking ten pints...
Playground craze leads Burnley kids to discover deodorant
Hundreds of Burnley schoolchildren are now aware of the existence of deodorant thanks to the recent playground craze.
The craze involves spraying deodorant from a...
Rochdale’s Indian Youth Bemoan Lack of “English” Takeaways
Rochdale's Indian youth have complained that there is a distinct lack of late night 'English' takeaway food available in the town.
"You know what it's...
Berners-Lee quits Internet following Rochdale Herald “Row with Linda”
The creator of the World Wide Web has today declared that he officially "cannot be arsed" with the Internet anymore.
This comes after the revelation...
Rochdale Residents excited at house price rises in Post-Apocalypse Britain
Rochdale residents are said to be very excited by the prospect of house price rises for the first time in almost a century in...
