Learner drivers in Rochdale have been getting to know the high octane thrill of queuing on the M62 for the first time today. The government has for the first time allowed learner drivers to have lessons on motorways without having to have passed their test first.

19 year old David “Danger” Dangerfield said, “I thought it was going to be great. We got to the slip road and I put my foot down, the speedometer just kept going up then I joined the motorway and saw a huge snake of traffic. In 2 hours I managed to travel from junction 20 to junction 22 and back. It was like a car park.”

17 year old Kylie McEwen said, “I was a bit nervous at first because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go fast enough. But when I got on the motorway I found that the variable speed limit had been set to 40 miles an hour. It was pretty boring to be honest. The only exciting bit was when an Audi Driver undertook me on the hard shoulder, called my instructor a knob head through the window and jammed the breaks on when he saw a Highway maintenance van.”

21 Year Old David Hill said, “I was expecting the motorway to be all people in Audi’s flashing their headlights at me and lorry drivers dumping the bodies of prostitutes in service stations. Instead all I learnt was that vast numbers of people have no idea how an average speed camera works. Everyone was driving towards it a 90 then slowing down to 50 and speeding up again and slowing down again.”

And 18 year old Bill Board said, “I’d often wondered what it’s like to drive through 40 miles of roadworks that nobody is working at was like. Now I know. It’s really boring. The hardest part was not falling asleep at the wheel.”

The new law has received mixed reviews from experienced drivers. Martin Williams said, “It shouldn’t be allowed. They won’t know that my superior German engineered car is allowed to go at 150 on the motorway. I was one today and they turned their indicator on and followed a lorry off at the exit. That’s dangerous. What you do is overtake the lorry, pull right across the front of it and then jam the breaks on to slow down enough to not crash into the middle of the roundabout.”

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.