“I wasn’t wanking, I was self-isolating.” Paris Mayor candidate caught on video.
Benjamin Griveaux dropped out of the race to become the next Mayor of Paris after video emerged appearing to show him making love to...
UK border agency given right to conduct posthumous deportations
The UK border agency has been given the green light to start deporting the interred remains of people not born in the UK, a...
Gove calls for post-Brexit legalisation of cannibalism
Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have...
Singing Ringing Tree to be felled for post-Brexit firewood
Britain's exit from the European Union is set to spell the end for some of the country's best loved children's TV programmes, it was...
Santa to be denied entry to U.K. under proposed points system
Santa is to be denied entry to the UK under the new points based immigration system.
A Home Office spokesman told us, "The system...
You had some very fine people on both sides, Trump tells D-Day veterans
Donald Trump has told D-Day veterans that there were very fine people on both sides of the battles to control the Normandy Beaches during...
Quackpot fundamentalist and friend of dictators finally canonised by paedophiles
Mother Theresa of Calcutta became Saint Theresa yesterday in a small ceremony in the Vatican. Saint Theresa, who passed through Rochdale on her way...
Britain to join new ‘European Federation’ after Brexit
EXCLUSIVE: With Britain poised to trigger Article 50 and put the wheels irreversibly in motion to finally leave the European Union, a leaked home office...
Catalonia makes a break for Eurovision glory
Catalonia today announced a bold step to break out on their own and go for it alone.
Not since the 11th century has there...
Katie Hopkins killed and eaten by starving migrants
Mail Online columnist Katie Hopkins' plan to drown migrants attempting to cross the Mediterranean to prevent them coming to the UK has been put...
British Tomahawks Launched As Part Of U.S. Strike Hit Aledo
It has been revealed that as part of Donald Trump's assault on Syria, two British missiles were launched. These missiles were said to be...
Theresa May demands Trial by Combat to avoid EU trade negotiations
Theresa May has taken the unusual decision to demand a trial by combat rather than face the EU over the table at trade negotiations.
She...
No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, says King Felipe of Spain
During his state visit, the king of Spain addressed the British parliament yesterday. All went well until the king dropped the G-bomb: Gibraltar.
A...
Macron wants UK to give him head in return for Bayeux tapestry
Monarchists were today outraged by the suggestion by Emmanuel Macron, President of France, that the severed heads of the British royal family would be...
Hammond to Create National Hoard
In advance of Brexit negotiations Phillip Hammond is to bury all of the country's wealth in a hole in the ground.
The hole, believed to...
