Farage Demands Second French Presidential Election

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Nigel Farage has claimed the victory of Macron over Le Pen of 65% v 35% is scandalous. Just inappropriate. Undemocratic. Pathetic. "Fifty two to forty...

British Tomahawks Launched As Part Of U.S. Strike Hit Aledo

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It has been revealed that as part of Donald Trump's assault on Syria, two British missiles were launched. These missiles were said to be...
Marine Le Pen

Marine Le Pen demands Malian be charged with breaking and entering

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Marine Le Pen has demanded to know why a Malian refugee was given citizenship and not arrested for breaking and entering over the weekend....
Macron

Macron roasts Le Swan

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Emmanuel Macron last night served up a beautifully roasted swan at his victory dinner. The new French President was celebrating his victory with close...
Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins killed and eaten by starving migrants

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Mail Online columnist Katie Hopkins' plan to drown migrants attempting to cross the Mediterranean to prevent them coming to the UK has been put...

Idiot dies in Karmic Avalanche

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An idiot died in an avalanche of Karma in the town of Teruel in Aragon, Spain, yesterday. Victor Barrio (29), having spent the last 9...
Gibraltar

Downing Street Confirms Gibraltar To Be Closed Down

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Downing Street has confirmed that Gibraltar is to be closed. With the success of Brexit guaranteeing the ability to launder money in the U.K., at...
Angry Man

UK to mobilise army of “social media warriors” to protect Gibraltar

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With no aircraft carriers and military resources already overstretched in Afghanistan, the Ministry of Defence has announced that it is calling up the UK's "third force"...
Trump with manbun

NATO leaders issue declaration of unity against Donald Trump

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NATO leaders have issued a statement of unity aimed at preserving the alliance against Donald Trump. One spokesman said, "It may seem strange that we're...

EU designates British cockwombles “endangered species”

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Indigenous British cockwombles have been given official European Union "endangered species" designation as their numbers have plummeted due to loss of habitat to invasive...
Angela Merkel

Angela Merkel to meet Theresa May to tell her to piss off in person

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Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, is due to meet with Theresa May later today to spit in her face and tell her to piss...

Leave campaigner forced to abandon argument after forgetting what Brexit means

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Panic today as vocal anti-EU campaigner, Dennis Pigwater, forgot a crucial piece of his argument during an online debate. Dennis, 58, from Rochdale, was engaged...

Quackpot fundamentalist and friend of dictators finally canonised by paedophiles

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Mother Theresa of Calcutta became Saint Theresa yesterday in a small ceremony in the Vatican. Saint Theresa, who passed through Rochdale on her way...
TRUMP POLE DANCERS

Trump hails Polish culture saying “Pole dancers are the best, I’m a huge fan,...

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US President Donald Trump Thursday attempted to cement US-Polish relations in a speech delivered in the Polish capital Warsaw on the first day of...
Putin

David Cameron becomes Hero of the Russian Federation

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The Kremlin announced today that David Cameron is to be recognised as a Hero of the Russian Federation, the highest honour that can be...

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