Pest Control

In London you’re never more than 6ft from a Tory Party leadership candidate, study...

The old adage has it that we're never more than six feet away from a Conservative Party leadership candidate? It's a saying that seems almost...
Dog Window

Dog who wanted to go outside immediately wants to come back in

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A dog who has spent the last hour and a half peering longingly through the patio doors at the garden is now peering longingly...

Christmas ruined as Santa fails CRB check

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Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed. The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, "Santa...
Cyclist

Man attends Halloween party dressed as cyclist

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A Rochdale man has won a Halloween fancy dress competition after turning up dressed as a cyclist. Bill Board, 35 arrived at pal Stan...

Arsehole starts fight and loses, man he started fight with arrested

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A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.

Clock in car mysteriously right again

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There was befuddlement all over the UK this morning after every motorist in the country reported that the clock in the car is mysteriously...

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

2
The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let...
Trump Air Force one

Donald Trump arrives in Germany and says ‘Ich bin ein Binliner’ Berlin agrees

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President Donald Trump landed in Germany Sunday morning to kick off the first leg of his 12-day trip to Europe. Trump held a surprise press...
Christmas Morning

Big Fat Secret Santa Update – 3,001 Christmas Presents worth £24,522.45 for kids in...

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I had the privilege of a very happy childhood in a prosperous and loving home.  My earliest memories are of Christmas. I remember the excitement...
Callan

What can we say to Jane other than thank you?

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A week ago today we started a campaign to buy a gift for a child who needs one this Christmas and the generosity we've...
Kanye West

Fred and Rose distance themselves from Kanye

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The solicitor for the notorious murderers Fred and Rose West have released a statement saying that Mrs West and her deceased husband are 'in...
Rees Mogg

Universal Credit cheaper way to kill the poor than building gas chambers, says Jacob...

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has astounded many people by stating that the Universal Credit fiasco is the cheapest way the Government has come up with to...
Drinking Wine

Not drinking alcohol only makes life feel a lot longer, confirm experts

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Not drinking will make your life feel a lot longer, according to a study that suggests not being a little bit drunk every day...
Golfer

Fury as Brexit voter can’t get tee off time at Golf Club he isn’t...

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Local Brexit voter, Steve Dickinson, is said to be furious with Manchester Golf Club after discovering he can't get the tee off times he wants since letting his membership lapse.
Millionaire

Reader competition, win an exclusive aerial photograph of Gatwick Airport

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The Rochdale Herald is offering readers the chance of winning one of 25 high quality aerial photographs of Gatwick Airport. Gatwick Airport is one of...
Scientists

Obvious Satire Still Confusing Idiots, Say Scientists 

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Researchers at the esteemed Rochdale Community University have published a study today revealing that fool-proof satire is still not fool-proof.  "We gave some angry morons...

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