Mo Farah

QUEEN defends herself from MUSLIM IMMIGRANT with SWORD

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According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword. A...
Brian

Corbyn confirmed as ‘not Messiah, but a very naughty boy’

19
In a shock revelation today, it has been confirmed that the Labour leader and General Election candidate Jeremy Corbyn is not in fact the...
Tony Montana

Tony Montana to become new White House communications director

3
Tony Montana is set to become White House communications director following the sacking of Anthony Scaramucci today. Mr Montana was last seen toting M16A1 guns...
Katie Hopkins

Court sentences Katie Hopkins to be burned at the stake as a witch

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In a shock move Friday, a UK libel court has ordered that controversial Daily Mail colonist and professional bigot, Katie Hopkins be burned at...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson launches ‘Free Robert Mugabe’ campaign

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The campaign is headed up by Boris Johnson who is thought to believe that if it's successful he could be the leader of Zanu...
Spa Day

Why can’t we just do a spa day and go to bed early, says...

51
In a world first a group of lads from Rochdale have posed the question, "why can't we just do something civilised and get a...
Nick Clegg

Facebook will always be free for students, promises Nick Clegg

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Following the news that Nick Clegg has been hired by Facebook it has been announced that the platform will absolutely, definitely, always be free...

Jeremy Corbyn under investigation after making vicar’s daughter cry during hustings

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Leftist wheat-eater Jeremy Corbyn came under fire from his own back-benchers today, after being accused of making a girl cry, and not just any...
Ebola

‘Deadly viruses don’t kill people, people kill people,’ claims Ebola

11
In a bid to improve its reputation as one of the world's most lethal pathogens, the Ebola virus has today sought to shift the...
Rees Mogg

Argument for abortion makes argument against abortion

55
Underchinned Tory leadership hopeful Jacob Rees-Mogg has upset both women and homosexuals today by saying he is opposed to same-sex marriage and abortion under...

Melania Trump was definitely not a prostitute says Melania Trump & Daily Mail

3
Slovenian "model" and "wife" of "human being" Donald Trump has lashed out at allegations in The Daily Mail that she was a sex worker...

Donald Trump tweets that he was going to be asked to marry Harry but...

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Donald Trump has sensationally tweeted that Prince Harry was going to ask him to marry him. POTUS explained on social media yesterday that he...

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

2
The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let...

JK Rowling dedicates next book Harry Potter and The Dead Girl’s Voicemail to Piers...

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JK Rowling has dedicated the next instalment of the global phenomenon Harry Potter to Piers Morgan.
Wrapping Presents

I’ve already wrapped all my Christmas presents, say terrifying psychopaths

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Terrifying psychopaths around the country have taken time out from planning murders and disembowelling their neighbour's pets to tell The Rochdale Herald that they...
Riot Police

Corner shop owner lynched by mob in Rochdale after caught selling Yorkshire Tea

11
Marge Riley, 74, was confronted by an angry mob of local residents who objected to her display of Yorkshire Teas. “I just wanted to give...

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