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Donald Trump has told D-Day veterans that there were very fine people on both sides of the battles to control the Normandy Beaches during World War Two during a press conference in Portsmouth today.  Speaking...

Theresa May has finally got into the spirit of Christmas by ordering a massive census of everybody in the UK and slaughtering all of the first-born children. The news comes on the anniversary of Theresa...

Liam Fox and David Davis have been telling reporters how they were able to utilise their formidable negotiating skills to buy a new sofa at full price from DFS. Davis said, "I knew when we...

I had the privilege of a very happy childhood in a prosperous and loving home.  My earliest memories are of Christmas. I remember the excitement of going to bed, the Christmas tree decorated with all...

According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword. A Daily Express staff witness said: "Liz was forced to tap...

There was outrage in the Burnley hemp weaving community today after a man was expelled from his local vegetarian cult for wearing a donkey jacket. Graeme Corbin, long time jam enthusiast and dairy free yoghurt...

A Burnley supermarket has been forced to remove dozens of dead rats from its shelves after a customer reported finding half a vegetable inside a bag. Jayda Daley, 28, had just prepared dinner for her...

The government has voted to reject a bill that recognises that hunt saboteurs are humans who feel pain and emotion. Following an incident over the weekend during which a horrible toff on a horse thrashed...

A woman from the North of England has shocked the country by putting the heating on in October. Denise Dufite, originally from the northern town of St Helens in Merseyside, has been living in London...

The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President made a series of controversial comments about knife crime in...

The town of Oldham, Greater Mancashire, has been praised by vegan activists, hipsters and liberal snowflakes alike for taking the progressive move of removing all references to meat from the town's name. Councillors confirmed radical...

Following the news that Nick Clegg has been hired by Facebook it has been announced that the platform will absolutely, definitely, always be free to use for students. The 51 year old former 'politician' was...

A number of white nationalist groups have joined together in a boycott against the post-Thanksgiving consumer event known as Black Friday. Black Friday has been an annual event in the US for many years and...

Boris Johnson has once again found himself under fire due to comments he made likening women who wear Burqas and Niqabs in appearance to a letterbox. The comments have been met with disapproval across the...

It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters wedding. Family member, Johannes Atlanta Florida Mississippi III told us, "The...

The dead animals that the cat has been dragging in from the garden are not gifts, they’re warnings cats have confirmed. Fluffles the cat, from Wetherby in North Yorkshire, has confirmed that he has been...