I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump

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Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.
Cyclist

Man attends Halloween party dressed as cyclist

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A Rochdale man has won a Halloween fancy dress competition after turning up dressed as a cyclist. Bill Board, 35 arrived at pal Stan...
Young Couple

Middle class parents convert to Satanism after local cult school gets glowing Ofsted report

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Local couple Rupert and Penelope Mills have reportedly converted to Satanism in order to get their children into the local cult school after it...
The Stig

Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes to appeal to middle aged white men

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A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's...

Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit

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Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today. There's been a...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson breaks the ice in DUP meeting with “Paddy and Mick walk into...

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It appears only a matter of hours after a desperate Theresa May formed a coalition with the Northern Irish DUP, relationships have broken down. A...

Woman doesn’t dick about with thermostat

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A woman from Rochdale has taken the extraordinary decision to not dick about with the central heating thermostat. Barbara Dickinson responded to the fact that...
Audi A5

Audi driver denies allegations he used indicators

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An Audi driver from Rochdale has denied allegations that he used his indicators whilst driving on the M62 last Tuesday morning. At least one woman...
Christmas Morning

Big Fat Secret Santa Update – 3,001 Christmas Presents worth £24,522.45 for kids in...

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I had the privilege of a very happy childhood in a prosperous and loving home.  My earliest memories are of Christmas. I remember the excitement...
Bob Marley

Bob Marley suspended from Labour Party over claims iron lions are from Zion

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Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn urges Labour MP’s to get behind Theresa May or risk making him...

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Jeremy Corbyn has told Labour MP's that they had better get behind Theresa May and her, "And then there were none" vision of Brexit...
Lucky Childless Bastards

Lucky childless bastards book affordable holiday

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A pair of lucky childless bastards have managed to book an off-season five star holiday to an empty resort at a cost of almost...

Scientists confounded after man who left coat on still felt the benefit

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Scientists around the globe are reeling this afternoon after a Rochdale man who didn’t take his coat off this morning still felt the benefit of wearing a coat when he went outside for a cigarette this afternoon.

Donald Trump hires Hugo Boss to design new ‘Cabinet Uniform’

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The controversial decision to hire Hugo Boss was openly discussed by The President-elect, Donald J. Trump, on Good Morning America yesterday during a catwalk...
Hunt Saboteurs

Hunt saboteurs can’t feel pain, government declares

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The government has voted to reject a bill that recognises that hunt saboteurs are humans who feel pain and emotion. Following an incident over the...
Kanye West

Fred and Rose distance themselves from Kanye

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The solicitor for the notorious murderers Fred and Rose West have released a statement saying that Mrs West and her deceased husband are 'in...

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