Countryfile

BBC Countryfile Filming Suspended After Presenter Gets Parking Ticket

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Filming of cutting edge BBC show Countryfile was dramatically suspended last night after one of the presenters was accused of parking illegally. Previously well respected...

Southern Rail Timetable wins Man Booker Prize for fiction

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The visionary author of Southern Rail's timetable, Bernard Jones, has been announced as the seventh winner of the Man Booker International Prize for fiction. The...

Arsehole starts fight and loses, man he started fight with arrested

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A dickhead has died in a karmic avalanche after breaking into the home of a 78 year old.
Traffic Jam

Chaos on Cambridge roads after Sat Navs hold minute silence for Stephen Hawking

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There has been chaos today around Cambridge today after all the Sat Navs in the town spontaneously held a minute silence in remembrance of...

Dipshit to argue with Thicko about terrible idea

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A thicko has accepted a dipshit's challenge of a debate on the telly to sort of discuss how best to implement a dreadful idea. The...
Children At Christmas

It’s definitely CHRISTMAS – Big Fat Secret Santa buys 13,500 presents worth £97,952

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It is definitely Christmas you unbelievably charitable and hilarious lunatics.  You crazy people have now bought £98,000 worth of presents for 13,500 kids and teenagers...
England fans

Mixed feelings for Tommy Robinson supporters as bloke called Ali puts England into semi...

Ruddy faced racists up and down the country are said to have mixed feelings about England getting through to the World Cup Semi Finals...
Brian Cox

Brian Cox to face Hague war crimes tribunal for 1997 hit Things Can Only...

Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson wins coveted softest mouth in Hull prison award

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Tommy Robinson has been voted HMP Hull's softest mouth award. Mr Robinson will be awarded the prize in a ceremony to be held on the...
Audi A5

Audi driver denies allegations he used indicators

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An Audi driver from Rochdale has denied allegations that he used his indicators whilst driving on the M62 last Tuesday morning. At least one woman...

Stevie Wonder just chooses to be blind, says Kanye West

Batshit crazy US rapper Kanye West has said that the Stevie Wonder’s blindness may be a “choice.”
Shouty man

We won, get over it! voted 2017 Phrase of the Year by racists

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We won, get over it! has become the new mantra of choice for racists, according to the results of a new survey published today. The...
Bob Marley

Bob Marley suspended from Labour Party over claims iron lions are from Zion

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Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer...
Theresa May

Theresa May to raise voting age to 35

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Senior Tory advisors, still reeling from Thursday's disastrous election result which provided a hung parliament, are said today to be telling the prime minister Theresa May that something serious has to be done about Britain's broken electoral system.
Callan

What can we say to Jane other than thank you?

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A week ago today we started a campaign to buy a gift for a child who needs one this Christmas and the generosity we've...

Burnley mum left ‘fuming’ after finding half a vegetable in packet of frozen rats

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A Burnley supermarket has been forced to remove dozens of dead rats from its shelves after a customer reported finding half a vegetable inside...

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