CHILLING satellite photographs show North Korean chemical factories are manufacturing weapons grade piccalilli in horrifying quantities.

Grainy images at first sight lead viewers to think that the Punggye-ri Nuclear Facility is being used to manufacture and detonate atomic weapons but the truth is far more shocking.

Experts initially thought the site was glowing a strange yellow colour because of all the radiation but it soon became clear that the site is being used to manufacture industrial quantities of weapons grade piccalilli.

Comparing two images during a two day period in July, it is clear that a plastic roof has been roled back to expose a vegetable garden to weather.

The garden appears to be active and well maintained and fully stocked with cauliflowers, onions and gherkins, the horrifying ingredients required to make the poisonous chutney.

Experts believe the aerial images of the facility previously believed to have been a nuclear test site, Punggye–re, show mustard plants and turmeric are being grown in the area in huge quantities.

“At first site we thought North Korea were concentrating their efforts on producing ever more powerful nuclear warheads to accompany their ballistic missile program.” Dave Bloke, an analyst from Rochdale Community University’s International Relations Department told The Rochdale Herald.

“But now we now we know that Kim Jong Un intends to arm the tips of his intercontinental missiles with piccalilli. It’s truly horrifying. You really don’t want to get that stuff on your skin, let alone in your mouth. It burns just thinking about it.”

The UN has called for special meeting of the Security Council to discuss what sanctions they can put in place to keep us all safe.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.