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The Met Office has issued an amber warning for apocalyptic snow and ice overnight after a Northerner was overheard speculating that it might be an idea to get his big coat out of the...

Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday. Sir Paul was the first man to swim the Channel underwater (he did it for a bet...

A fifty year old racist fuckwit has told The Rochdale Herald that he is over the moon that passports are now going to be blue again. "Now that passports are going to be blue again...

Over 1.8 million Britons have signed a petition to deny a State Visit to nylon-haired snake-oil salesman and part-time President, Donald Trump.  The petition insists that Trump's racism, sexism and general vulgarity would cause embarrassment...

Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains have been cancelled and the army has been put on...

The world famous entrepreneur and basketball star, Kim Jong Un, has today opened the first fish and chip shop in North Korea. The chippy, named Fission Chips, after the rogue state’s illegal nuclear weapons programme...

Fictional President of the United States Francis Underwood has been obliged to step down this week following allegations of historical sexual harassment. Whilst his Presidency has been marred by a number of controversies, FPOTUS Underwood...

In a shock move Friday, a UK libel court has ordered that controversial Daily Mail colonist and professional bigot, Katie Hopkins be burned at the stake as a witch. Hopkins was in court facing an...

A 19-year old 'model from Burnley has spoken of a dream come true after she swapped her 'virginity' for some fish and chips with a bloke she met at the pub. The part-time 'model' and...

Daily Mail Readers are confused more toddlers haven't walked the 2,000 miles to Calais from Syria.

News is emerging from Belgium today that a wanker has punched a dickhead and the dickhead is in a serious condition with a bleed on the brain.

A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for Christmas. The book, titled "My Struggle" will focus largely on his...

Cost cutting at state broadcaster curtails roles for male actors. The BBC has responded to continuing pressure from central government to reduce costs by reducing production budgets. This ongoing pressure is nowhere more visible than on...

Tony Blair has revealed his new tattoo. Mr Blair got the tattoo during a drunken night at Silvio Berlusconi's villa. The tattoo says, "Only God can judge me" in Aramaic and is located on...

The first fatality caused by the price increase on alcohol in Scotland was announced this morning. Ian McCreedy aged 42 died at his local hospital in Dundee yesterday afternoon after drinking a WHOLE glass...

London-dwelling sanctimonious tax-avoider Bob Geldof has said he will return his Freedom of the City of Dublin. Geldof, a remarkably rich registered non-dom who pays very little tax whilst complaining about how countries treat their...