Pigeons

Rochdale pigeons attempt to teach Rochdale ‘couple art of love’

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Two Rochdale pigeons have tonight, for the fourth night in a row, spent 45 minutes teaching Rochdale couple Stephen and Mary King the art of...

Tickle my tummy, says genocidal bastard

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A genocidal bastard from Lancashire has demanded that he has his tummy tickled this morning. The mass murderer called Mr Wiggles made the request this...

Scientists name new species of pot-bellied pig after Paul Golding

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Hot on the heels of naming a new species of shrimp after wall breaking rockers Pink Floyd, zoologists have named a newly discovered sub-species...

Bears cleared of ‘shitting in the woods’ says watchdog

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The independent Bear Complaints Commission has found that there is no evidence that bears are guilty of shitting in the woods. The misconduct watchdog,...
David Cameron Shed

‘It was a mistake not a disaster’ – Cameron opens up about PigGate

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Former prime minister David Cameron says placing his genitals in the mouth of a severed pigs head has 'turned out less badly than I...
Lions

Dickheads eaten by lions

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At least three dickheads have been mauled to death and eaten by some lovely lions after breaking into a wildlife reserve in South Africa. The...
Hunter hunting elephants

Nearly okay to kill elephants again

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As we take in the wonderful news of the large increase in the number of elephants across the south of Africa, Zimbabwe has called...

Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy

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Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and...
Flat earth map

Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat

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Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll...

New York Giraffe constipated not pregnant

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On the 11th of February, the Animal Adventure Park in Harpursville, New York began a live feed from the inside of a Giraffe pen. 'April' the...

Gove clarifies that Government will extend the term non-sentient to include any living being...

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In a desperate bid to look like the Tories are not using Brexit as an excuse to bring back fox hunting, cock fighting, prima...

Tsunami threat issued for East coast of England after Yorkshireman does massive poo

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A Tsunami threat has been issued for the East coast of England after a man who hasn't had a shit for a week...

A little food for thought… A pack of wolves

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The three in front are old & sick, they walk in front to set the pace of the running group lest they get left...

Packham challenges Attenborough in bid to become BBC Natural History Unit alpha male

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Chris Packham has challenged Sir David Attenborough in a bid to become the BBC Natural History Unit's alpha male. In a display that witnesses have...
Dog Window

Dog who wanted to go outside immediately wants to come back in

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A dog who has spent the last hour and a half peering longingly through the patio doors at the garden is now peering longingly...

Christians, Muslims, Satanists Opposed To Pokemon Go

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Following the UK release of Pokemon Go ten days ago, several prominent spokespersons for leading UK religious organisations have spoken out, condemning the game...

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