The Queen is afraid Donald Trump will leave orange residue all over Buckingham Palace...

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The Queen is afraid of the orange mess Trump will make during his visit.  The President of the United States, Donald Trump wants to meet...

Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech

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Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street...

Joy as Palace confirms  Pippa Middleton’s bottom WILL feature at next year’s Royal wedding

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Buckingham Palace has today confirmed that Pippa Middleton's buttocks will be brought out of storage for the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle...
Royal Family

United Kingdom gobsmacked as child turns four

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It was announced yesterday, with the publication of an official photograph, that a child is turning four today. We spoke to anthropologist, Dr Kay Smallbones...
Meghan and Harry

Meghan Markle nominated for Oscar for her portrayal of woman in love with Prince...

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As the New Year approaches rumours are already circulating about next year's Oscar nominations. An early nomination thrown into the frame is Meghan Markle.  The...

Prince asks for money for wedding instead of Christmas presents

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Royal offspring are like the grown up children who return to the nest once they have completed their time in higher education. You think...

Prince Philip to be dismantled following cladding inspection failure

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HRH the Duke Of Edinburgh to be decommissioned and scrapped after failing Health and Safety tests. Sad scenes at Buckingham Palace today as Prince Philip...

Bra fitters feel a right pair of tits after revealing the size of the...

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Bra fitters Rigby & Peller have lost their Royal warrant after Buckingham Palace cancelled its contract with the company after they revealed intimate details...

Ben Fogle quits Animal Park to try his hand at ventriloquism

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Popular broadcaster and adventurist Ben Fogle has been declared an endangered species on Twitter after sustaining numerous headshots from people ridiculing his idea for...

Anglo US relations at lowest ebb since war of 1812 as Queen joins anti-trump...

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Anglo US relations have reached their lowest ebb since 1812 when British Force burned down the White House after members of the Royal Family...

Daily Express readers desperately hoping new Royal baby is a ginger

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Daily Express readers up and down the country have welcomed the news of Duchess of Sussex's pregnancy by crossing all of their fingers and...

Prince Andrew to release sex tape

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Prince Andrew will release a sex tape in the cuming weeks in an effort to put to bed any rumours about his relationship with...

Nicholas Witchell tasered during naked Prince Philip coup attempt

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The BBC’s Royal correspondent, Nicholas Witchell, is currently under heavy sedation after attempting to storm the gates of Buckingham Palace. According to eyewitnesses, the journalist...

Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit

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Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today. There's been a...

Put a bloody jumper on if you’re cold we’re not made of money, Philip...

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“Put a jumper on and stop fiddling with the blasted thermostat, I just got it right. If you’re that blinking cold go and walk some of those wretched dogs you insist on keeping. And I’m not talking about the Fergie's sprogs!”

Rolf Harris to paint The Queen again for TV comeback special

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Former popular television presenter to repaint Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth following release from prison. Rolf Harris, 87, is rumoured to be looking at the possibility...

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