Everyone is always talking about the youthful composure of our national treasure Prince Phillip. Now his retirement has been announced, the spritely Greek has revealed his secret. In an exclusive retirement interview he told the RH;

“How does one do it? Well one does fuck all! They tell me which appointment I have, walk me to the car, drive me there, I get get out, cut a few fucking ribbons, say hello to a few wops and Diego’s and Bob’s your uncle, piece of piss!

“I have to put up with the bloody butlers mind! Always buzzing about the house making my bed, polishing, ironing my socks, very bothersome business all that. Sometimes they even hide the bloody pills in the Foie Gras!”

We asked him about bills,

“Bills, Bills! Ah I’ve met a few… ah money! Ugh, never touch the stuff, been fingered by the masses, disgusting. I get the staff to deal with all that nonsense. Besides, the wife holds the purse strings, it all belongs to her you know! ”

We asked him of his plans for retirement.

“Well, I’ll still be active you know! Still be flying and boating about. Just won’t be having to endure those spear chuckers doing their awful jiggy jiggies! Smiling is an awful drag you know.”

So there you have it, if you want to live longer, do nothing, get staff to do all the boring shit and get paid a fortune for the privilege.