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Rochdale, UK

Quackpot fundamentalist and friend of dictators finally canonised by paedophiles

Mother Theresa of Calcutta became Saint Theresa yesterday in a small ceremony in the Vatican. Saint Theresa, who passed through Rochdale on her way to Dublin in 1928, will be remembered by millions of...

EU designates British cockwombles “endangered species”

Indigenous British cockwombles have been given official European Union "endangered species" designation as their numbers have plummeted due to loss of habitat to invasive foreign sock puppets. The new listing makes it illegal for residents...

Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK

A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at his luxurious Marbella villa, Ken 'Fingers' McKray, 54, an import-exporter...
Home Office

Home Office To Issue Migrants With Wearable Documentation

EU nationals currently living in the UK will require documents confirming their right to remain in the country post-Brexit, the Home Office has announced. Speaking to the House of Commons, Amber Rudd explained that they...

May to appeal to Supreme Court ruling at European Court of Justice

In a move that has thoroughly confused political observers, Theresa May has instructed the Attorney General to appeal today's Supreme Court judgement on Article 50 to the European Court of Justice. "The sovereignty of the...

Campaign to move Calais Jungle migrant Camp to Southend dubbed inhumane

Plans to move the makeshift refugee camp in Calais to Southend were quashed today after a cross party committee called the plans inhumane. Refugees from all over world have been huddled under canvass in appalling...
Illegal Immigrants boarding ship

New Technology Foils Illegal Immigrants

In conjunction with the British Government-funded wall in Calais, British officials are working with maritime consultants on methods to physically prevent illegal immigrants from boarding ships. In the ongoing battle to protect Britain from hordes...

EU to force UK to use £ s d following Brexit…

Brussels has warned that Britain will no longer be allowed to use the decimal system following Brexit and will be forced to go back to pounds, shillings and pence and the imperial measurement system. It...

Britain to join new ‘European Federation’ after Brexit

EXCLUSIVE: With Britain poised to trigger Article 50 and put the wheels irreversibly in motion to finally leave the European Union, a leaked home office email reveals government plans post Brexit. The email, which was forwarded...
Geert Wilders

World “back on track” after Dutch non-Nazi gets 20% of the vote

World leaders have rushed to hail the Dutch general election as the turning point in the history of civilisation. With the rising tide of global populism, the election of Donald Duck as United States...

Rumours are circulating that Boris Johnson was the “brains” behind an attempted coup in...

Our source from Eurasian think tank Ata Matters informed us that the Etonian fop masterminded the attempted takeover after his coup d'etat of the UK was scuppered by reptilian Pob-alike, Michael Gove. "Boris believes he's supposed...

Tim Nice But Dim appointed UK Ambassador to the EU

In a surprise move Theresa May has appointed Tim Nice But Dim UK Amabassador to the EU.
Santa

The ‘Santa Clause’ prevents Article 50 from being triggered experts warn

In a massive blow to the government, German lawyer Rudolph Shnitz has highlighted a clause in section 4 of article 38 dubbed 'The Santa Clause'. Mr. Shnitz said "The clause was added in 1998 and...

Idiot dies in Karmic Avalanche

An idiot died in an avalanche of Karma in the town of Teruel in Aragon, Spain, yesterday. Victor Barrio (29), having spent the last 9 years of his adult life torturing large animals for fun...

Top Vatican paedophiles and the Pope claim Transgender people are ‘crime against God’

Frock wearing top Catholic wizard Pope Francis has decided that transgender people are a crime against God. “They teach children -children!- that they can choose gender!” he exclaimed to cries of “And?” “Thank God for that,”...

Wales celebrates after spectacular 2016 Darwin Award victory

The population of Wales has been awarded a collective 2016 Darwin Award for its staggering act of self immolation in last year's referendum on membership of the European Union, it was announced Sunday. Speaking to...

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