First shipment of thoughts and prayers for mass shooting victims arrive in California

0
It's all better in California now after a much needed vital shipment of thoughts and prayers arrived in Gilroy following today's mass shooting. "Yeah, we're...
Trump

President Trump In Deep Water Over Puerto Rico

1
President Donald Trump has found himself in the middle of a storm of controversy recently following his comments about Puerto Rico. At a press...

Emergency ‘Thoughts and Prayers’ cabinets to be installed in every American classroom by 2020

0
The US Department of Education has revealed plans to install emergency 'Thoughts and Prayers' cabinets in every school classroom by the year 2020. The announcement...

Judge increases Shkreli’s prison sentence by 5000%

0
Disappointed with the complete undervaluing of his sentence, disgraced former Hedge Fund Manager Martin Shkreli has insisted his prison sentence up by 5000% up...

Outrage as Trump BBQ ruins White House lawn

6
White House officials were said to be furious today after Trump supporters burned a cross on the South Lawn last night. The BBQ, which was...

Concern mounts that US teachers are stockpiling weapons of maths instruction

0
Deliverable weapons of maths instruction in the hands of a school or tuition network, or the two working together constitutes as grave a threat...
Dance Off

Kim Jong Un can’t dance, that brother ain’t got no Seoul

0
“Kim Jong Un? He can’t dance, that brother ain’t got no Seoul. You know I put the rump into Trump babycakes. When I slut drop you know it’s going to be fire and fury on the dance floor.”

New cold war looms as Trump aspires to make American prostitutes better than Russian...

0
Concern that America is falling behind Russia in the pay-for-sex industry was allayed last night after President Donald J Trump announced a new ‘hooker...

Hillary Clinton’s ‘Human Suit’ malfunctions at 911 memorial service

0
The Presidential frontrunners cybernetic 'human suit' momentarily glitched at the recent 911 memorial service at ground zero yesterday, the third time this has happened...
Man holding a gun

America in shock after a live streamed dispute is resolved without a single shot...

0
Americans were rocked to the core today to find that it was possible to resolve a dispute without gunfire. Chuck Henderson, a 7-Eleven employee from...

Trump wears tinfoil hat to stop Obama hearing his thoughts…

0
President Donald J. Trump has come up with an ingenious solution to prevent Obama from ‘spying on his thoughts’. He now wears a tinfoil...
Dumpster Fire

Dumpster fires unhappy about comparisons to US Democracy

13
Skip fires around the world have declared they are unhappy with being compared to the US democratic process.
Sorry Trump

Donald Trump ‘very sorry’ for accidentally nuking North Carolina

0
As the world looked on with intrigue and anticipation at the spat between the USA and North Korea, a horrifying incident occurred. With the...
Trump on Warship

He knew what he signed up for, says dickhead who doesn’t know what he...

0
Proving once and for all that sometimes the best thing to say is nothing, Donald Trump told the widow of a grieving soldier that...

Luftwaffe didn’t tell Hitler about every bomb dropped, just sayin, Spicer tells press corps

0
Sean Spicer has put rumours to rest that Hawkish generals in the United States military are deploying military assets without Presidential authorisation. "Look I know...
Trump Supporters

Trump recorded saying “Trump Supporters are fat, racist white trash”

0
‘Rumours that Donald Trump described his legions of supporters as "obese trailer park trash" and "uneducated fucking idiots" are yet to be confirmed.

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