Donald Trump has asked his propaganda secretary, Sean Spicer, to assure The White House press corps that President Trump’s penis is “the largest penis in the history of penises. Period!”
“President Trump’s penis is the largest penis in the history of penises. Period!” Spicer told The White House press corps. “There has never been a bigger penis. Trump’s penis is bigger than Obama’s penis was in 2009 and in 2013. Way bigger.”
Mr Spicer went on to tell us that Trump had enjoyed a round of golf earlier in the day and had shot 17 holes in one, six more than the previous title holder Kim Jong Il.
He has apparently also discovered a unicorn lair in The White House grounds and has marked the day with a national holiday, the “National Day of Patriotic Devotion.”
Or was that Kim Jong whatshisface? Who knows?