The White House’s official 2017 Christmas card will feature President Donald Trump high-fiving the Imperial Wizard of the Ku Klux Klan, a spokesperson confirmed today.
Bearing the message, “We’re dreaming of a white Christmas,” the card will show the pair standing together in a snow-filled White House Rose Garden, surrounded by elves carrying tinsel-clad burning crosses. To add to the festive theme, the Imperial Wizard’s ceremonial hood will be dyed red and adorned with a furry white trim, whilst the President’s family will sit in the background aboard a gold sleigh pulled by a team of albino reindeer.
“The President insisted that the theme of this year’s card reflected his strong Christian values – the importance of a loving and obedient family, the reclamation of the word ‘Christmas’ over the politically-correct term ‘holidays’, and the unashamed celebration of racial intolerance and white supremacy,” Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told reporters.
Problems with the photoshoot
A White House insider told the Herald that the photoshoot had not gone without incident, and staff had been forced to intervene on several occasions to moderate the President’s behaviour.
“He had originally requested a group of snowmen – ‘white snowmen, the whitest snowmen you’ve ever seen’ – with their right arms raised in salute but that went to shit as soon as we set fire to the crosses,” said the insider, who asked to remain anonymous.
“In addition, he wanted to be holding up a ‘Naughty List’ containing the names of everyone who had pissed him off over the past year but we had to take it off him when he just started writing ‘black people’ over and over again.
“Unfortunately, he had a pretty epic tantrum at that point and wouldn’t calm down until Ivanka told him that she would dress up as Santa’s Little Helper again and let him bounce her up and down on his knee.”
Jesus was white
The White House has defended featuring the leader of a far-right group on its card and denied that it was endorsing hate speech and bigotry.
“People seem to forget that Jesus was white, his parents were white and he was born in a white country,” said Huckabee Sanders. “Any suggestions to the contrary are just fake news and constitute another attempt by the liberal media to besmirch our Christian values.”
Meanwhile, President Trump was responding to the news of North Korea’s latest missile test by launching a scathing Twitter attack on a female journalist who once spurned his advances at a cocktail party in the early Nineties.