Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

extraterrestrials

Message from aliens intercepted. 

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Scientists at the Laval University in Quebec have intercepted what they believe to be a message from extraterrestrials. The message was received encoded in modulations...

Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University's Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...
analogue

Government digital service actually still analogue

The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber...
Chernobyl Fallout

Scientists warn against wearing Ukrainian underpants because Chernobyl Fallout

Scientists from the University of Kiev have issued a stark warning to people all over the world about the dangers of wearing Ukrainian undercrackers.

Man who received double hand transplant can’t wait to “trim his hedge”

The first person in the UK ever to have a double hand transplant has told The Rochdale Herald that he can't wait to get...

No Plans For Apple Tax to Just Rest in Irish Account 

The Irish government and their opposition are in agreement that they shouldn't have to tax corporations after an EU court suggested that perhaps Ireland...
Theresa May

Anagramologists discover Conservatives is an anagram of voters cave in

Only Theresa May can effectively negotiate Brexit, according to Tories. "Obviously with all 27 EU nations being absolutely united and holding all the cards," explained...
Rochdale

Rochdale residents anger as DNA test reveals some are 60% potato

Rochdale residents have been angered by a DNA profiling study that showed that many weren't descendants of native Rochdaleans at all. The study, run by...
Doctor

Veganism can be cured claim scientists

Scientists at Bideford University have claimed that the recent epidemic of Veganism can be stopped if victims receive treatment in the early stages of...

Microsoft worker takes Apple to court

Yesterday, a Microsoft employee allegedly got a dressing down from High Court judge, the Right Honorable Justice Antony Smyth-Tomkinson. The employee who we cannot...

Atheists pilgrimage to Dawkins’ home after Darwin appears on toast

Hundreds of atheists have laid siege to the home of renowned ethnologist and evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins after he reported finding an image of...
Brian Cox

London not centre of Universe say astronomers

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In a shock announcement today, astronomers have come out and stated categorically that London is not the centre of the universe. The BBC's face of...

I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Hearse

The Rochdale Herald has learned that ITV plans to make drastic changes to the format of next year's 'I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of...

Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...
Sunglasses

‘Men only wear sunglasses to check out other women, like at weddings’ say Scientists

Claims have been made in a startling report that men only wear sunglasses so that they can check out other women without their wives...

Parents ask kids to surf net to find solution to spending too much time...

Fresh fears regarding the overuse of the internet by youngsters has emerged, with experts suggesting that it should be compared to fast food. The...

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