Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Stephen Hawking hasn’t got a leg to stand on, says Jeremy Hunt

Health Secretary Jeremy C. Hunt has responded to Hawking's criticism of NHS reforms in a series of tweets, which are pompous even by Hunt's...

No need for Artificial Intelligence, say robots

Robots at Rochdale Community University maintain that advancements in Artificial Intelligence (AI) are not necessary. I was invited to meet Robbie, a MK VII Hawking series robot, at the University's science lab last week.

Earth is Flat Confirms Cretin After Watching YouTube Video

Our foreign correspondent Miffy Bigboots reports from South London. A man at a loose end over the weekend changed his opinion on virtually everything after...
Brian Cox

London not centre of Universe say astronomers

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In a shock announcement today, astronomers have come out and stated categorically that London is not the centre of the universe. The BBC's face of...

Samsung to rebrand Galaxy as the Supernova

Samsung made a shock announcement at the weekends major technology event, TERD (Technology, Electronics RochDale), which was held at the former site of The...

Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...

Last man smart enough to figure out how to set clock on Microwave dies...

The last man intelligent enough to set the clock on the microwave to the correct time has reportedly died aged 74. The man, an astrophysicist...

Samsung unveil S1 at Burnley Tech Conference along with steam iron and Flymo

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Gobsmacked attendees at the inaugural CES (Consumer Electronics Show) at Burnley Community Centre looked on in awe as Samsung unveiled its Galaxy S1 mobile...

Linkin Park’s poignant question answered

The question posed by Linkin Park all those years ago has been answered and people might not like the answer. According to scientists, who have been...
Prime Numbers

Government Set to Outlaw Prime Numbers

In a surprise announcement this morning, it has emerged that the Government has released a White Paper aimed at criminalising the use of prime...
Drug paraphernalia

Rochdale man who can’t explain what his job is tells people he’s a drug...

A Rochdale man who got tired of struggling to explain what his job is, so that people could understand what he does, now just...

Taking are speling back!

The new Apple iOS update is to include a new autocorrect function for words such as muslin, briton and rasict. Computer giants and tax dodging...

Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus

Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...

Robots refusing cyber attack vaccine due to autism fears

The UK's robots have told the Government that they will refuse a vaccine that provides protection from computer viruses, over fears it could cause...

5G spreads bullshit 10 times faster than 4G say experts

Some of Britain's top scientists have issued a stark warning ahead of the long-awaited rollout of 5G mobile networks across the country. In an exclusive...
Theresa May

May gives UK schools education 101

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Prime Minister Theresa May has heralded education reforms by telling UK schools that there will be "no return to the binary system of the...

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