Science and Technology

White heat from the Technology News team: All the latest from the Rochdale and area tech scene

Parents ask kids to surf net to find solution to spending too much time...

Fresh fears regarding the overuse of the internet by youngsters has emerged, with experts suggesting that it should be compared to fast food. The...
Scientists

‘How many roads must a man walk down before he can call himself a...

Researchers have proved that the number of roads a man must walk down before you call him a man is greater than, or equal...

Calm down love! Let me mansplain your research for you

Professor Eleanor Goodchild of the Cliff Claven Linguistics faculty at Rochdale Community University has published her findings on Male Answering Syndrome ('MAS'). The Herald's...

Crap internet in rural Scotland and Wales is good for the NHS says Westminster

One in five people, or 20% of the people in large areas of Scotland and Wales have not been online in the last three...

Bad dishwasher etiquette is evidence of evolution running backwards

Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into...

Local scientist proves no link between Marmite and racism

Homegrown boffin and university lecturer Professor Arthur Nidear has today Published his findings after 2 years researching whether the much-loved spread, which is also...

Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters

Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...

Computer driven people are a menace say self-driven cars

Over the last ten years or so, humans have been becoming more and more computer-driven. Cars are speaking out against this worrying trend. In a...
Pram

Engineer designs pram that fits in boot of car

Rumours are circulating around the World's scientific community that the man who has designed a pram that fits in the boot of a car...

Heat from self-righteous can power the world

Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated...

All toddlers are Tories scientists confirm

Scientists from the Institute For Politicised Childhoods have announced the results of extensive testing, on toddlers, in laboratories. "They're all Conservatives, by and large." Dr....

Britain to stop messing about and put the clocks back twenty years this October

Tony Blair woke this morning to find himself in the enviable position of a second chance at his legacy with the announcement the clocks...
homeopath

Leading Homeopath Accidentally Says Something Sensible

Writing in the lifestyle magazine 'It's A Gullible Life' Dr Pie d'Piper (currently The British Homeopathic Amalgam's Integrative Dissimulation Spokesbeing) responded to the news...

iPhone users left feeling cheated

Thousands of iPhone users around the globe were left feeling cheated this week as they eagerly awaited news of the latest model from technology...
Aliens

Aliens call off attack due to lack of funny title for this article

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Giant brain-sucking aliens from the R33-Delta 1 Q’Luurfb system have put back their planned invasion of the planet Earth we can exclusively reveal today. The...

Stephen Hawking hasn’t got a leg to stand on, says Jeremy Hunt

Health Secretary Jeremy C. Hunt has responded to Hawking's criticism of NHS reforms in a series of tweets, which are pompous even by Hunt's...

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