Prince Nuttall Awakens Britain’s Slumbering Populace With A Kiss

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Joyful celebrations were heard throughout the Kingdom after it was confirmed that Prince Nuttall of UKIP had awakened Princess Populace with a kiss. Handsome Prince Nuttall hacked his way through a thorny defensive barrier surrounding...
Theresa May

Theresa May confirms Brisrael means Brisrael

4
Theresa May today confirmed that "Brisrael means Brisrael" when asked about the Israeli Embassy's interventions to promote or destroy the careers of British MPs. "Look, it's fairly straightforward," said Mrs May. "I would have thought...

Trump claims Blacks, Latinos and Women are rigging the election by voting

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America braces itself tonight after it was revealed that not just White rednecks are eligible to vote.
Bomb Squad

May tells Merkel,”This is just a taste of what I’ve got”.

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News reports this morning state that the entire city of Hannover is to be evacuated following the discovery of numerous unexploded WW2 bombs. Apparently, Theresa May ordered the ordinance dropped on the German city to...

David Cameron In Shock After Key Attack On Shed

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A member of the radical far left group Momentum is in custody this evening after apprehension following keying of the paintwork on David Cameron's prize winning shed. The suspect, believed to be of high...
Theresa May

Deselecting MPs implicated in electoral fraud before election “Hadn’t occurred to me” claims PM

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The Prime Minister claims the possible loss of up to twenty MPs from a working majority of seventeen in the run-up to Brexit is "absolutely not a factor" in her decision to circumvent the...

Uncovered: The Secretive Unelected Group That Controls Our Future

1
The Rochdale Herald has uncovered a secretive, unelected group of conspirators who control the destiny of the UK.  The powerful group, known as 'The Electorate' decide on matters concerning the future of the United Kingdom,...
Michael Gove

Man who treated voters as morons during Brexit confirms voters are still morons after...

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Potato face Michael Gove has claimed that voters could have some impact on the Brexit deal if they so wished. Gove, who famously involved himself in the key Brexit team associated with pie-in-sky claims around...
Prime Minister

Prime Minister not taking donations from millionaires for granted

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The Tory spin doctors are especially busy this morning on the nation's airwaves ensuring everybody they are not taking yesterday's electoral results as a guarantee of success on June 8th. Downing Street has even gone...
Theresa May

Theresa May thrilled that Russia thinks she’s competent enough to stage poisoning

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Bill Board, spokesman for the Government, has told The Rochdale Herald that Theresa May is privately thrilled that the Russian Government has accused her Government of staging the Salisbury poisoning. Mr Board explained, "Theresa was...
Jeremy Corbyn

Corbo makes his ex Home Secretary

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Jeremy Corbyn has appointed Diane Abbott as Home Secretary, placing her opposite Amber Rudd on the shadow front bench. "We want someone who represents the ordinary people in this position for a change," said a...

Home Office Play Matchmaker for Rochdale’s Bridget Joneses

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The Rochdale Herald can reveal controversial Home Office plans to settle new male immigrants in areas of Britain with too many single women in an attempted boost to integration, and ultimately to increase Britain's...
corbyn

Brexit means Brexit, obviously, says Jeremy Corbyn

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'Brexit means Brexit and we're going to make a success of it', Jeremy Corbyn will say this afternoon. He will speak from the top of a shoebox in Speaker's corner to an audience of dozens...
Corbyn Pram

Woman alleges Corbyn hasn’t paid her for pram PR stunt yet

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Ms Mia Faberge has alleged Jeremy Corbyn is yet to pay her for the PR stunt wherein she lent him her sister’s baby in a pram to carry up some stairs. Faberge said she always...

£1.3 billion Cameron scheme a failure

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A scheme launched in 2012 by Cameron's government as a response to the 2011 riots has been an unmitigated failure, according to a report released today. The Troubled Families Programme, which used the age old...
brexit bill

Theresa May admits “Brexit Bill” scrawled on back of napkin

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Prime Minister Theresa May today admitted that the 'Brexit Bill', allowing her to trigger the Article 50 exit clause from the European Union had been drafted, over a liquid lunch, on the back of a napkin...

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