Rats

Rats accuse Boris Johnson and David Davis of Cultural Appropriation

0
Yesterday following a heated meeting over Brexit David Davis and Boris Johnson resigned from their positions as Minister for Brexit and Foreign Secretary respectively. The...

Theresa May speaks to Herald – exclusive!

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The Prime Minister has faced many difficulties over the past weeks - Brexit, terrorist attacks in Manchester and London, a poor election showing and...

Labour Unveil New All White Party Flag

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Thanks to Labour another Article 50 bill amendment that would have risked empowering the British people, who are now known to be idiots, has...

Obama quietly pleased his G20 riots were bigger than Trump’s

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President Barack Obama, who was born in America, is said to be privately pleased the riots at G20 summits he attended were bigger than...

Campaign to crowdfund a copy of Bravo Two Zero and box of tissues for...

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A crowdfunding campaign set up to raise enough money for a copy of Bravo Two Zero and a man size box of tissues for...

Soon to be estranged husband proposes ‘transitional sexual union’

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Under the suggested terms of the deal, Britton, 34, would remain in the family home for up to a further two years, and would be entitled to avail himself of all the sexual benefits associated with a normal marriage.

Only Mandelson Eligible to Vote in Leadership Election after Mass Cull

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In an attempt to make the Labour leadership election more comradely and fairer, the Labour PLP has been trawling through the social media activities...
A "xenophobic" Englishman listening to Nicola Sturgeon

English All Xenophobic Wankers – says Nicola Sturgeon without Hint of Irony

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Nicola Sturgeon will today claim that “Godless English Imperial filth” are using Brexit as a “licence for xenophobia” and that the English “are secretly working to not be considered Wankers by absolutely everyone.”
Theresa May

Theresa May refuses to attend the General Election

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After appointing her recently bereaved Home Secretary, Amber Rudd, to take flack from 'the most left wing audience since a Stalin rally' - Daily Mail, in...

Contractor used for Tory conference stage wins £2bn social housing contract.

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The contractor used for the Tory conference stage set has been awarded a £2bn social housing contract. Brian Odget and Simon Carper, who have been...

Doing Right Thing Would Set Dangerous Precedent, Says Prime Minister

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Prime Minister Theresa May has announced that she won't intervene in David Cameron's scheme to reward all his mates with Honours. "Listen here," said an...
Government

Government advises British Gas Customers to follow their example and burn bridges for fuel...

1
Most U.K. bridges are built or stone and iron. This will mean a boom to hardware retailers as Britons rush to stop up on pickaxes and wheelbarrows in order to carry their winter fuel allowance home.
Donald Trump

Actor playing Donald Trump forgets stage directions

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Due to White House budget cuts, an experienced but cheap actor was selected for the part. Bit part "character actor" Rowle Player is best...

We didn’t hack Paul Nuttall claims hacker group Anonymous

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"We didn't hack Paul Nuttall" claims anarchistic hacker group Anonymous, as they moved to deny claims that it had hacked the UKIP leader and...
Brick Wall

Remainers celebrate Brexit anniversary by repeatedly bashing their heads against brick wall

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The tens of millions of people who voted to stay in the European Union, and those that wished they had but couldn't be assed...
Gays

Dead gays thrilled at posthumous pardons for jail terms and chemical castrations

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Dead gays celebrated accross the country today as the 'Alan Turing Law' was unveiled by government, effectively absolving them of wrong doing for having a...

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