Brian Cox apologises for insisting Things Can Only Get Better

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Astrologer to the stars Professor Brian Cox has finally come clean about his greatest fib told way back in 1993.
Michael Gove

Gove calls for post-Brexit legalisation of cannibalism

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Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have...

Conservatives horrified at ‘meagre’ income of BBC presenters

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On Wednesday in was revealed to the public how much some of our favourite BBC Presenters earn, as well as some rubbish ones too. The...

Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame

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 Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of...

Rishi Sunak to announce 80% wages to be replaced by a free bike

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The Chancellor of the Exchequer is set to announce that the job retention scheme, which sees those workers furloughed by their employer receive 80%...
Interrogation

Beatings will continue until morale improves says Tory Chief Whip

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Tory Chief Whip, Francis Gavin Urquhart Williamson, has advised the parliamentary Conservative party during a closed meeting that the beatings will continue until morale...

Brexit transition period ends when the EU says it ends, says Philip Hammond

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The Chancellor Philip Hammond offered much needed clarity on the government's Brexit project today, by confirming it will enter a transition period which will...
Paul Nuttall

Britain’s oldest man, Paul Nuttall, has died.

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Sir Paul Nuttall, VC, OBE, Ph.D, passed away peacefully in his sleep yesterday, hours before his 108th birthday. Sir Paul was the first man to...
Refugee

New age verification tests to be brought in for asylum seekers

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Following public outcry that someone who has had their home blown to smithereens might be so desperate as to embellish the truth in order to seek sanctuary.
Trump Announces New Cabinet Appointments

Trump Announces New Cabinet Appointments

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Two new appointments have been made to the cabinet of President-Elect Donald Trump. "Although I know that I will be technically the Commander-In-Chief, people will...

Poldark overwhelming choice to lead Government of National Unity

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Popular TV star, the dark, brooding and enigmatic Ross Poldark has emerged as the main contender to lead a Government of National Unity as...
Donald Trump

People hoping absolute power will moderate narcissistic bully

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Political analysts are speculating that now Donald Trump is leader of the free world his personality will metamorphose into that of a wise leader...
Marine Le Pen

Le Pen assures voters that despite National Front name change they are still massive...

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In a bid to allay concerns that the name change from National Front to National Rally will dilute the purity of the party, Marine...

Self-proclaimed ‘bestest dealmaker’ fails to do deal with Bruce Springsteen cover band

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Idiots across America who voted for Trump because he told them he was really good at doing deals are surprised by the news he hasn't been able to do a deal with a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.

What do people need money for? Asks man wearing suit borrowed from tramp

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A man wearing a suit borrowed from a hobo went on national radio yesterday to suggest people should only be allowed to earn a maximum amount of money.
Scientist

Most Brexiteers cheat at Monopoly study finds

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Researchers at Rochdale College have found evidence that seems to show most Brexiteers cheat during family games of Monopoly. Dr Frederick Seddon told us, "We...

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