Speaking in Chesterton Park, near Stoke yesterday, Nigel Farage announced that he has “reluctantly” returned to front-line politics by launching the Nigel Farage Party.

“I was rather enjoying retirement,” Mr Farage guffawed disarmingly, “spending more time listening to myself on the radio.”

“But I warned the so-called major parties that the British People would not tolerate backsliding on Brexit. And now we have exactly that. Theresa May suggesting our disputes must be governed by the ECJ. Jeremy Corbyn’s lies about leaving the single market exposed. Well, I thought, I will not stand for it. Or rather, I will stand, in Stoke.”

It’s thought that internecine rivalries have prevented Mr Farage returning to UKIP, and accordingly he has started a more focused project, with a new party crafted in his image.

Prior to the Stoke announcement, there had been much speculation over the new party name, with Mr Farage’s closest supporters simply referring to it as “the New Party”.

However, it is likely that Mr Farage will seek to capitalise on his personal appeal, and so we anticipate the party will combine his personal brand with an appeal to real patriots, who aren’t ashamed of our flag.

Mr Farage did little to dispel these rumours, saying in Stoke:

“Look, I think this talk of parties is a little overblown. We’ll party when we win again. Really, what people are voting for is me, as they know what they’ll get. So let’s just call it a vote for Nigel Farage.”

“Or NF for short.”

A London meeting to attract financing is planned for 4th October, during which Mr Farage is expected to tour the East End on foot between meetings in the City and Canary Wharf, following the cycle superhighway route down Cable Street.