Remain campaigners thwarted by import shortage of “I Told You So”s

Anti-Brexit campaigners are suffering from a shortage of "I Told You So"s, as "Project Fear" rapidly swings into "Operation I Told You So", as the UK under our likely new Prime Minister Boris "Yes,...
Theresa may Trump

Blitz Spirit redefined to mean allowing a foreign Government to choose your ambassador

The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that it is redefining the meaning of Blitz Spirit. The move comes a day after the British Government handed over responsibility for appointing its ambassadors to Donald Trump. A...

Brexit Party MEPs accidentally turn to face Mecca during national anthem

Brexit Party MEPs have apologised to their racists after accidentally turning to face Mecca as the European Parliament returned. "It was an honest mistake and it won't happen again." Part time alcoholic and full time...

Scientists baffled as average IQ of North Korea drops 20% this afternoon

SScientists around the world are struggling to make sense of strange information coming out of North Korea this afternoon after the average IQ of the entire nation dropped by a staggering 20% for a...
Donald Trump

Our concentration camps are safer than our schools, Trump assures Democrats

Donald Trump has taken to Twitter today to assure Democrats in the United States Congress that the filthy concentration camps into which he's herding the children of migrants are much safer places than High...
Boris Johnson

Leave means Leave says Boris Johnson’s Girlfriend

Boris Johnson's girlfriend has apparently told a befuddled Boris Johnson that leave means leave during a heated row at her flat in the early hours of this morning. Despite explaining that "leave" means "get out"...

Pensioners advised to burn BBC licence fee fines to keep warm this winter

The government, breaking a manifesto promise, has facilitated the scrapping of the free TV license for over 75s from 2020. "My pension doesn't cover the bills and food as it is, the only thing that...

Nicky Morgan claims ‘Titanic captain should not be judged by his worst mistakes’

Nicky Morgan yesterday made a conciliatory reference to fellow Tory leadership no-hoper Michael Gove's penchant for Charlie as a naive young 31 year old journalist. "He has expressed regret and he is entirely right that...

Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit

Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today. There's been a lot of speculation about how Prince Charles and Trump would...
Ann Widdecombe

Humans cured of sexuality after imagining Ann Widdecombe masturbating in the bath

Scientists from Rochdale's Community University have finally managed to find a cure for human sexuality after asking people to imagine Ann Widdecombe fiddling with herself in a bubble bath. Homosexuals and heterosexuals of all genders...

Burger King announce 126oz Presidential Milkshake for Trump visit

Popular scarfing establishment Burger King has announced a new super-sized 126 ounce milkshake, to be released on Jun 2nd in time for the visit of Donald Trump and his escort the following day. Company boss...

Blitz spirit redefined as refusing to get off bus because somebody has a milkshake

Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on the top deck of a bus because somebody has been...

‘Everybody in Scunthorpe will lose their jobs’ was on the other side of bus,...

Boris Johnson has taken to social media today to clear up any misunderstanding that the 66% of people who live in Scunthorpe and voted Leave may or may not have had about Brexit. "Obviously the...

Tommy Robinson thrown out of restaurant after complaining about ‘Allah Cart’ menu

Tommy Robinson has been thrown out of a restaurant in Oldham after a campaign event today after starting a row with the manager over their 'Allah Cart' menu. MEP candidate and part time mortgage fraudster,...

Five Guys make creamy mess all over Nigel Farage

A fresian of excitement has gripped Newcastle over the last few days, with the news that Nigel Farage would be visiting. The Brexit Party leader has been credited for realising politics cud be mooved...

Brexit Party Manifesto a Wetherspoon’s menu with curry crossed out with crayon

The Brexit Party has finally unveiled their much anticipated election manifesto ahead of the EU elections.  To much fanfare the document has been revealed to be a copy of a Wetherspoon's lunch menu with both...

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