Donald Trump has taken to Twitter today to assure Democrats in the United States Congress that the filthy concentration camps into which he’s herding the children of migrants are much safer places than High Schools across America.

“Obviously the safety of migrant children is our number one priority.” Commandante Arnold Eichmann of the US Border Patrol told The Rochdale Herald.

“They might die of dysentery or exposure but that takes weeks. It’s unlikely that any of them will get shot by another kid at school today. For one they’re not at school, they’re huddled around an open toilet in a tin roofed shed with a concrete floor surrounded by barbed wire. Safe as houses.”

“Which is more than my kids who have to go to school today can expect. Migrants, coming over here and not getting murdered by angry heavily armed fourteen year olds. It’s just not right. This is America.”

President Trump is said to be considering a more permanent solution, perhaps a more final one, to the problem of what to do with the thousands of children he has concentrated into tiny, filthy cages on the US border.

“Obviously these aren’t concentration camps, and anybody who says otherwise is just a lefty snowflake who has read a history book. They just happen to be camps, surrounded by guard towers, dogs, barbed wire and men with machine guns.”