Politics

Theresa May is reported to be surrounded by a Bomb Disposal Unit this evening after the discovery of an unexploded grenade inside her ass. The grenade, nicknamed "Dementia Tax" was apparently inserted into May's rear...

David Davis is to take a back seat in the upcoming Brexit negotiations, having decided that a two year old called Davis Davis from Rochdale would do a better job of getting the best...

Boris Johnson has revealed that the UK's Brexit negotiations will be based on Pogs. The Foreign Secretary and Bertie Wooster of the Conservative Party told Robert Peston that he's been planning the strategy since Parliament was dissolved. Speaking...

Winter heating supplements for elderly people on low incomes are to become means tested, if the so-called Mean Party's manifesto promise is carried out.  In a measure designed to support the country's ailing economy, this has...

Recent medical studies have found a direct link between xenophobic thoughts and the rampant outbreak of Nuttalls in the U.K. Closely resembling a haemorrhoid, a Nuttall is a pink, puss filled boil that can appear...

The Labour Party general election campaign is said to be in tatters today following the release of the Liberal Democrat's Manifesto in the last few days. "It's a tour de force of groundbreaking electioneering." Dianne...

Lord Voldemort was visiting Hogwarts School today and was asked whether he was a fan of the Conservative Party by a student during a Q & A session in the Slytherin common room.

The government is celebrating today as the figures released by the ONS show that unemployment as at its lowest since 1975 or something. “It’s a really great achievement for conservatism, and you can’t deny the...

British Russians have reacted angrily to the Labour's Election Manifesto announced by Jeremy Corbyn and accused him of "offending or even humiliating an entire indigenous culture". "His 'Little Red Book' is a disgrace! It's simply...

The Liberal Metropolitan Elite was reeling last night when a delivery of 2 million rubbers was delivered to the wrong address. The Elite were allegedly planning to fix the upcoming UK General Election by inserting agents in...

The Labour Party has revealed a manifesto that will revolutionise British politics by getting rid of the Labour Party. Speaking to the Herald a spokesman said, "This manifesto is aimed at appealing to as few...

In the latest Tory manifesto promise benefit claimants and people earning less than minimum wage are to be sent a free chamber pot. Current Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Crabb Green, said; "This is a fantastic opportunity...

The Conservative MP for Wells, James 'Compost' Heappey got all sweary when visiting the massively overpriced Millfield Academy for Young Toffs and Toffettes.  A Scottish schoolgirl told him that her reasoned political viewpoint was that...

The Liberal Democrats' General Election campaign took a huge step forward this morning after they secured the vital UK Rastafarian vote.

Last night a draft of Labour's election manifesto was leaked leading to pro Brexit outrage paper, The Daily Mail, drawing comparisons between Labour's proposed policies and 1970's. Daily Mail reader, John Smiff, said; "That terrorist Corbyn wants power...

Diane Abbott has declared Jeremy Corbyn "statistically the most popular & electable Labour leader ever" after the leaked Labour Manifesto shows that Labour have decided to re-nationalise British Rail. The decision came after Corbyn was...