Tit in Parliament in tits in Parliament row

Andrea Leadsom has found herself an unlikely ally in the UK's war on women and motherhood, Sammy Wilson MP. Mr Wilson, the DUP MP for East Antrim, joined the fray last week by accusing female...

Donald Trump costumes selling out faster than Kim Jong Un disguises this Halloween

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Once again the time of year when all the ghouls and monsters come out to play is upon us. But enough about the tete-a-tete between the obnoxious leaders. It is the horrible, cheap, obviously...

Robbie Williams comes undone at World Cup opening ceremony

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Robbie Williams finds himself in trouble after giving the finger to fans at World Cup opening ceremony after repeatedly being asked to sing 'This Charming Man' by local fans. Former fat dancer from Take That...

Diane Abbott quits shadow cabinet to be the new face of Soul Glo

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Diane Abbott has shocked the nation by resigning from the shadow cabinet days before election week in order to be the new face of Soul Glo! Nile Rodgers, best known for his musical work with daft...
Liam Fox

Saudia Arabia to pick next UK defence secretary

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Saudi Arabia moved swiftly to reassure the British people this evening that the resignation of Michael Fallon has not caught them by surprise and they are finalising their short list to choose the next...

Grenfell Tower survivors offer Michael Gove their last five pounds to bugger off

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Survivors of the Grenfell Tower disaster suffered a further shock last night when esteemed Tory minister Michael Gove was spotted in the vicinity. It's believed Gove was visiting friends in the area to make sure...

This Generation of British Bulldogs could be the last

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In an astonishing move by the Kennel Club, the standards committee has released a press statement saying that if Britain decides to stay within the EU, the current generation of 'British' Bulldogs will be...

Simon Danczuk delighted to not be the sleaziest MP in a photo

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Disgraced pornography enthusiast, first class passenger, casual sext pest and Rochdale MP Simon 'Spanker' Danczuk is said to be "absolutely buzzing" that he's not the sleaziest MP this week after Keith Vaz, the former...

Five great fake news items of 2016

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2016 was the year of the post-truth, the fake news, and the downright lies. We at the Herald take a look back at the five biggest myths, hoaxes and untruths which had people perplexed,...
Tour de France

Asthma Society public awareness campaign kicks off with three-week cycling Tour of France

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Saturday sees the start of The Asthma Society's global awareness campaign. 176 chronic asthma sufferers will cycle 2,082 miles of the roughest French terrain to raise awareness of the effects of this crippling lung...
Doctor Who

Gritty realism of Doctor Who ‘stretched beyond credulity’ by absence of penis

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Hard-hitting documentary Doctor Who, dedicated to exposing the harsh reality of spontaneously-regenerating Time Lords, has become 'a laughing stock ruined by periods', agree internet experts. Men with access to a computer have unanimously agreed that...

May must undergo final quest before triggering Article 50.

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The Prime Minister faces another Brexit challenge today as it is revealed Royal Assent was not the final requirement to begin negotiations with the EU. Due to a misinterpretation of a prophecy, May must now...

‘Child on hospital floor’ journalist joins the Rochdale Herald’s staff

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The Rochdale Herald is proud to announce the appointment of surely-ex-by-now Telegraph columnist Allison Pearson to our staff. "Our quest for people who can spout the most ludicrous bollocks is never ending and, in Allison,...

NHS admit to clicking ‘remind me later’ on McAfee update for seven years straight

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NHS digital has come under fire from computer security professionals; as an investigation into yesterday's Malware virus has revealed NHS used McAfee and hadn't updated it in seven years. "Honestly, bloody McAfee?" Said digital security expert Mike...

Jeremy Corbyn confirmed as contestant for Strictly Come Dancing 2017

It's shaping up to be another great year for Strictly Come Dancing as yet another political star is confirmed on the line up to strut his stuff on the hallowed boards when the show...
Southern Rail

Not getting to work with Southern Rail now 30% cheaper for 27 year olds

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26 to 30 year old commuters were said to be jubilant today after Philip Hammond announced that from April 2018 it will be 30% to not get to work with Southern Rail. Philip Hammond told...

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