Saudi Arabia moved swiftly to reassure the British people this evening that the resignation of Michael Fallon has not caught them by surprise and they are finalising their short list to choose the next defence secretary for their good friends the U.K.
“We would really like to appoint Jeremy Hunt,” a spokesman claiming to represent the crown prince advised, “we’ve seen the work he is doing with the NHS and he is perfect for the job of selling high ordinance for use in the middle east’s war zones.”
Whether or not Mr Hunt would be willing to move departments is uncertain, but it seems there are other names on the list that are perhaps more highly prized.
“We think it would be highly entertaining to order Theresa May appoints John McDonnell, wouldn’t that be hilarious? We are really tempted to push for that, but we may just have to hang five on that one.”
Boris Johnson has been the subject of fevered twitter speculation tonight. Thought to be highly qualified and easily able to shift from insulting foreigners to arranging to help them drop British made missiles on each other.
But the Saudi’s are thought to be wary because of the amount of poorly recalled Shakespeare they’d have to put up with every time it came time to swap ordinance for dosh.
However, the Herald is aware purely through totally unsubstantiated speculation of our own that Angela Leadsom’s name is the one that has been circled with the heaviest biro.
“She is perhaps not the sharpest tool in your box, by our estimation,” someone on a phone who also claimed to work for our good friends advised.
“Although there is a lot of competition in that regard. But she seems to perfectly do and say whatever is ordered without a moment’s reflection on the consequence.”
It’s thought likely also she is unaware of Yemen even by name, let alone location or situation, a big plus.
“We will let you know through a series of reassuring editorials in certain tabloids tomorrow, but we guarantee whoever we appoint it’s going to be a blast!”