Aliens Behind Trotskist Entryism, Claims Watson
Speaking from inside a tent made entirely of tinfoil, Deputy Leader of the The Labour Party told us that Aliens from the planet Luminx8-B...
A Christmas Carol reimagined by new Ministry of Truth to promote thrift
The iconic Christmas tale has been edited by the new government department to 'instill a sense of fiscal caution' in the nation's youth.
The new...
Champion Shadow Cabinet Minister in U-turn U-turn
MP Sarah Champion, permed badger and former/current shadow Minister of Preventing Abuse and Changing One's Mind, unresigned today in what the Guardian and Owen...
Ringmaster May’s Brexit circus will tour till 2021 unless David Davis gets eaten
It was announced last Friday that Ringmaster may’s Brexit circus will attempt to extend its world record breaking tour of Europe until 2021 unless...
Tories secure parent vote after abolishing school holidays, weekends and Christmas
Parents up and down the country have thrown their support behind the Conservatives today after details emerged of a radical new plan to abolish school holidays and send children to school for 12 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.
NHS hospitals to sell postcards to capitalise on booming health tourism
The Department of Health issued a press release this morning announcing that all NHS hospitals were to begin retailing postcards in order to capitalise...
Stressed nurses sick of sick people
Shedloads of stressed-out British nurses are leaving the profession because they are fed up with their working conditions and marginally better than national average...
Senior Tories Pledge To Eat Less
In response to UNICEF’S report today forecasting child starvation in 2017, senior Tories have pledged to eat less.
Peasant. Goose. Equine tartare and literally millions...
Amazon to train Animals to deliver your parcels
The world's largest internet retailer, and tax avoiding giant, Amazon are rumored to be conducting secret trials using animals to deliver parcels to your...
Musicians speak at upset of knowing that Tories like their work
Distraught musicians Florence Welch and Calvin Harris have spoken out at their horror of discovering that they have next to no control over what...
Piers Morgan distraught after accidentally flushing article down the bog
He'd just logged on
Vox populi Piers Morgan (yeah I used Latin, deal with it, what comic do you think you're reading, the Mail?) has...
Labour MPs win right for toilet break during final vote on Brexit deal
After a tense round of debating in the house of commons Labour MPs succeeded in forcing through an amendment to the Brexit bill which...
Idiot turns on News and now can’t sleep
A man in Lancashire this evening accidentally turned on his television this evening to see Donald Trump leading Hillary Clinton in the polls in North Carolina and now definitely won't sleep.
The Sun wins top spot in nationwide industry poll
Following recent scandals involving their journalists, inaccurate reporting and misinforming large sections of the population The Sun newspaper has had some positive feedback from...
Substitute teacher to stand in for Theresa May in hope of improving cabinet discipline
Wilma Beard, a graduate teacher on the books of an education supply agency, has been contracted to fill in for Theresa May in the...
Trump restores American faith in Bush
Donald Trump has today been credited with restoring America's faith in Bush.
Dwayne Dwight of Alabama told the Herald "I was big into Bush in...
