Other News

An arsehole died on Saturday in an avalanche of karma whilst trying to piss off and murder a massive angry bull in front of a large crowd of idiots.  The rebalancing of the universe took...

Congregation of famously homophobic church disheartened to learn that The Almighty is 'proper hacked off with being asked the same dumb shit over and over again'. Topeka, Kansas, and following God's stunning comeback on Sunday,...

Father Christmas has come out in a blistering denunciation of Donald Trump today, stating categorically that he doesn't believe in him. In an interview with the Rochdale Herald, he spoke candidly. "How can that fat old...

Theresa May's assertion that "Brexit means Brexit" has been met with a blow with a reply of "Democracy means Democracy" by the high court as a Judge did his job this morning. Since the 23rd...

Billionaire currency traders were jubilant after night of uncertainty saw the pound tumble to a 31 year low after reaching a five year high in less than six hours. NM Rothschild and Sons, the banking...

After the shock of winning the popularity contest "President Factor", President elect Trump has now talked about his next career move. We asked him about it over Skype, he told us: "I'm now on the...

Talks between the Conservatives and the DUP are said to be ongoing as the PM desperately tries to cobble together a slim working majority for her new government after the disastrous general election result...

The Daily Mail and The Daily Express have today announced that Britons will be expected to devote as much as 14 hours a day to hatred of Meghan Markle by the year 2021. Many...

Chris Witty has shocked fans around the world after signing a multi-million pound, multi-decade deal to become the new face of Andrex bog roll. The 54 year old epidemiologist, Chief Medical Officer and toilet roll...

Southern announced today that the endless years of appalling service were over. "We've been building to this moment." Someguywhohatespeoplesaid. "And today I can announce that we're replacing all our trains.” It seems the move was prompted by reports...

Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has acted decisively. In order not to be accused of hypocrisy when...

The Met Office has released a statement this lunch time advising that all storms to hit the United Kingdom this winter will be named Storm Boris until Theresa May gets the balls to sack...

President Donald Trump has thrown an unexpected and much appreciated lifeline to the 2020 Darwin Awards. The well-known website which describes itself as  a "salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who...

The beleaguered Secretary of State is still denying accusations of downloading and viewing porn like a teen with two dicks on his office computer at work. The claims have been made by an ex...

Following months of "expert fatigue" the British public may now be prepared to start listening to people who know what they're fucking talking about. Following last months decision to leave the EU by the British...

Reports are coming in this morning that despite 2017's best efforts David Attenborough has been found alive and well. The news comes as welcome relief after several elderly millionaire celebrities including George Michael (53) and...