Following months of “expert fatigue” the British public may now be prepared to start listening to people who know what they’re fucking talking about.

Following last months decision to leave the EU by the British public in a national referendum experts have been in hiding. But the British public is now cautiously trying to rebuild bridges as it turns out the depressing clusterfuck experts predicted in the case of a Brexit vote is now happening. Boris is Foreign secretary to start with, though to be fair to experts nobody could have predicted that.

Graeme Minchkin from Rochdale, the man Gove referred to as “The British Public” in an interview with Newsnight, is fully back on board with experts following a botched bunion “operation” by a man called Kev who described himself as an “Orthopaedic Enthusiast.”

“He did an ok job with zip-ties and some B+Q offcuts, but I can’t help thinking some sort of Titanium arrangement would have worked better. Less blood and infection for a start. But I can still get a fair shuffle on with the crutches and morphine. To be fair to Kev I don’t have a bunion anymore.”

Kev the Orthopaedic Enthusiast

When asked if Graeme would prefer an expert as opposed to an enthusiastic amateur for his next life changing surgery he said;


The last time a country ignored all of their experts was on the 4th August 1972 when Idi Amin deported all of the Asians from Uganda. This precipitated a wholesale collapse of their economy and health services. History does repeat itself, if you’re not careful.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.