Daily Mail editor defends decision to exclude Gold medallist with alopecia from cover

The editor at the Daily Mail has allegedly defended his decision to only put two of the gold medalists from the four woman, world record breaking Team Pursuit team on the cover of the...

Muslims damage white man’s van outside mosque, screams Daily Mail

Allegedly Paul Dacre rang round every Daily Mail journalist to ensure The Daily Mail created the appropriate coverage of the terrorist incident in Finsbury. Simply saying that some idiot had driven into a crowd of...

UK in shock after Corbyn refuses to answer trick question

Big news! Corbyn, asked if the UK will leave the EU "come hell or high water" if he becomes PM, refused 6 times to say "yes". When asking their stupid question and cynically leaping on...

Stop being puffs about the word gay Clarkson tells queers

In the latest scandal to hit the trio of millionaire cold cut deniers, the runt of the litter, Richard Hammond caused controversy earlier this week on their new show The Grand Tour. The minature dead...
The Daily Mail

Reading the Daily Mail causes cancer of the soul

Following sickening reports of yet another moron mowing down innocent pedestrians, the Daily Mail has excelled itself by implying that the victims were to blame. The Mail did not quite write “Have-A-Go Hero Attempts To...

Men applaud new Gillette advert that features man carving his initials into girlfriends face...

A new advert for Gillette razors has been lauded by Piers Morgan as, "way better than all that social justice bollocks". Piers and many other single men with little...
Elderly Couple

New survey shows 52% of Daily Mail readers have masturbated to The World At...

Researchers at the University of Rochdale reveal the enduring popularity of the 1970s documentary for gammon spank fodder. The 1970s documentary, The World At War, has been revealed as one of the most popular visual...

Legendary comic Tony Blair wins prestigious award

Tony Blair, one half of iconic comedy duo The World Leaders, has been honoured with the prestigious Lincoln Leadership in Comedy Prize with particular mention going to his role in 'The Special Relationship'. Tony, who...

Daily Mail editor on suicide watch as rumours of Mo Farah knighthood circulate

There are genuine fears for the editor of The Daily Mail after a Somali born Muslim Immigrant ran to a double double victory at the Rio Olympics securing the title of Britain's greatest ever...
Elderly couple

Daily Express forecasts two feet of dead pensioners will fall in Central London by...

The Daily Express has warned readers that 20% of them will die this week because of the "Beast from the east". Pensioner, Stan Still said, "It's come as a bit of a shock. I've had...
Peppa Pig

Peppa Pig to become Cara Camel in Halal makeover

Exciting new changes are afoot in the world of Cartoons today, with a children's favourite set for a spectacular modern makeover. Creators of the famous children's cartoon Peppa Pig confirmed the eponymous star will be...

We tried to write 5 unfunny things about the Buzzfeed job cuts – What...

The state of the world is our fault 1. People like free stuff, or more precisely, things they perceive to be free. 2. News websites that set up paywalls...
Rochdale paramedics

Breaking News: Dozens Dead in Fleet Street Fire

Several dozen journalists at The Daily Mail are feared dead whilst dozens more are critically injured after laptop computers exploded in their Northcliffe House head office this morning. The tragedy occurred when The Daily Mail's...
ISIS

Daily Mail website wins ISIS award for services to Jihad

ISIS have awarded the Daily Mail website, MailOnline.com, its prestigious Jihadi Of The Year Award. This is the first time the sought after prize, known as the Golden Suicide Vest, has been awarded to a...

Local journalist creates entire article from on line forum comments.

A journalist at a Sheffield local newspaper has admitted that an entire article published in Friday's edition of the Sheffield Councilpleaser was constructed entirely from the frothings of the readership on the publication's forum...
The Sun

The Sun to relaunch as Colouring Book

The UK’s second best-selling hate rag, The Sun, is to be relaunched as a colouring book.  As of next week, the Murdoch-owned ‘newspaper’ will cease printing stories and instead focus on producing “exciting and thought-provoking...

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