Terroist

British Patriots demand Register of Terrorists

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Paul Golding has picked up the baton from Nick Griffin today in calling for a Register of Potential Terrorists. The call comes in the wake of recent atrocities. Most recently the murder of two white...

Three in critical condition after tragic scone miss-pronunciation attack

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Police have closed access to Battenburg street in Middleton today as the investigation into an altercation at the Middleton tea rooms has left three people in critical condition. Police report they have one woman in...

Julian Assange’s camper van racks up £19,700 in parking fines

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The Rochdale Herald can reveal that Julian Assange's camper van has run up £19,700 in parking ticket charges. The van was left on Cadogan Place a few streets away from the Ecuadorian Embassy. Mr Assange who was...
Angry White Man Daily Mail

Government hires Daily Mail readers to beef up security strategy

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Downing Street has announced plans to employ Daily Mail readers as a team of specialist civilian advisers as it steps up efforts to improve security across the UK. In the wake of attacks across...
Brian Cox

Brian Cox to face Hague war crimes tribunal for 1997 hit Things Can Only...

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Brian Cox is due to face a hearing at The Hague this week to face the charge that he is responsible for the deaths of more than one million Iraqis.

Party with nothing to hide announce plan to close Serious Fraud Office

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Conservative plans to abolish the Serious Fraud Office has absolutely nothing to do with the investigations into rich Conservative supporters,said a spokesgrunt for the party today. Current investigations into the alleged attempts to rig Libor...

Judge insists stabbing people is fine provided you’re rich and pretty

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A Judge set a legal precedent today after ruling that stabbing someone is fine provided you are blonde, twenty four, have a posh name, great career prospects, went to an expensive school and are really...
Chainsaw Surgeon

Rochdale man caught speeding forced to sell kidney to pay fine

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Plumber, John Thomason of Norden was caught doing 42 on Edenfield Road, which has a limit of 40 on that stretch. He has been fined £1200 under the new driving penalties rules. "My transit van is 20...

God bothering Stephen Fry to be stoned to death for blasphemy, the pure gobshite

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Stephen Fry has been summoned to appear in the Irish Courts to face the charge of breaching the Irish Defamation Act. It comes after the Garda completed their investigation into alleged blasphemy during a 2015...

Obviously McCanns done it, case closed by bloke down the pub

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After ten years everybody and their dog is still absolutely convinced that they know exactly what happened in the Maddie McCann tragedy in Portugal. “It’s obvious innit?” said Terry McPeeder from Kent, “all the evidence...
British Transport Police

Jury rules justified homicide after man murdered for drinking mug of tea without removing...

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A jury has ruled justifiable homicide in the case of a man who was beaten to death on a train near Rochdale after several passengers watched him drink a whole mug of tea without...
Hangmans Noose

Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto

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The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto. Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob Rees-Mogg said the following, "The country is over populated and the...
School class

AMERICANS! How to maximize media outrage over your kid’s devastating school-murder. – Rochdale Herald...

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In the not too distant past, school shootings were the stuff of tabloid dreams, but in a post Sandy Hook world, the circumstances of your child’s death could leave them, and you, gasping for...
gavel and block

Trump a performance artist, claims Attorney

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As the case against Trump supporter and white nationalist butt-nugget Matthew Heimbach heats up, his lawyer has said that Trump may well be called to the stand and indicted himself, for incitement. In the federal...
Man holding a gun

America in shock after a live streamed dispute is resolved without a single shot...

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Americans were rocked to the core today to find that it was possible to resolve a dispute without gunfire. Chuck Henderson, a 7-Eleven employee from Milwaukee, was live streaming himself closing his store for the...
Paddington Bear

Outrage as Paddington Bear deported back to Peru

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Much loved star of children's literature, TV and films, Paddington Bear, has been arrested and deported to Peru, as part of a round up of unlikely literary immigrants to Britain. A spokesman for the Home Office Department...

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