National News

Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains have been cancelled and the army has been put on...

There were ecstatic scenes in Rochdale this afternoon after a Middleton resident remembered to do the thing he'd been asked to do earlier in the day. Initially thought to be a hoax by wives throughout...

A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis. A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his legs in the bath twice a week and has an...

The role of senior Downing Street Adviser Dominic Cummings was called into question after news emerged that he had seen fit to visit the north east not once, but twice.  This amount of time...

An Audi driver from Rochdale has denied allegations that he used his indicators whilst driving on the M62 last Tuesday morning. At least one woman was injured and several thousand people were left stranded on...

At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a report anti social behaviour. Reports since indicate that fighting had broken...

Priti Patel today confirmed that the Black Lives Matter movement is a protest about American racism that has nothing to do with England.  The Home Secretary has claimed that racism in England's former colonies...

Following reports that the composer of the 1980's Shake 'n' Vac advertising jingle has died, a source close to his family has confirmed that his ashes will be scattered across a carpet by friends and...

Buckingham Palace has sought to quash rumours that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are set to call their new baby boy 'Diana' and then raise him as a girl. In a memo leaked to...

Joffrey I Baratheon, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm is to perform Iain Duncan Smith's Knighting ceremony. A Palace spokesman said, "The Queen...

Allegations have recently arisen that Conservative MP and incumbent minister of the cabinet office, Damian Green MP had been browsing and downloading 'thousands' of pornographic images on his work computers. The allegations that the MP...

Tom Hodgkins of Heywood today admitted that wearing shorts in winter is a bad idea and his leg are cold. We caught up with Tom, who was stood shivering in the school yard waiting to...

The leaders of some of Britain's major grouse shoots have reported that children's birthday party bookings are up 100%. Hubert Chomlomoley-Wearnear told us, "Normally at this time of year we're taking bookings from people whose...

The Government has announced that it has recruited some more "freaks and weirdos" as advisors following the resignation of noted weirdo, Andrew Sabisky. A spokesman said, "There was a lot of confusion when we advertised...

United Kingdom - Reports are emerging that Social Services have stepped in and taken a child into care in Burnley after learning that the parents had secretly named him Nigel. Both medical and social services...

HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.  Palace officials were quick to point out that the hospitalisation was purely precautionary as the result...