Tom Hodgkins of Heywood today admitted that wearing shorts in winter is a bad idea and his leg are cold.

We caught up with Tom, who was stood shivering in the school yard waiting to pick up his daughter.

“Its fecking freezing and I can’t feel my knees” said Tom, he continued,

“I wear shorts all year round, it’s kinda my thing, but my devotion to the trend is waning; its -2°C here today and I think I might actually be developing frostbite in my balls.”

When asked why Tom hadn’t just put on suitable attire, he told us he was worried it would affect ‘his cred’ with the other parents.

The others parents in the playground were wearing reasonable winter clothing, such as gloves, scarves and jackets. One parent said

“I’ve only ever seen him in shorts. I thought he was a double hard bastard; until 5 minutes ago, when I saw him discreetly trying to rub his thighs.”

We also spoke to Steven Brown, another parent who was wearing a body warmer over a t-shirt. We asked Steven whether he would admit his choice of clothing was inappropriate for this time of year; he said

“N-n-nah mate, this b-b-body warmer is great, my arms are f-f-fine I’m not c-c-cold at all.”

19th century vegetable highwayman/ satirist. Likes: the sound of a solitary house fly loitering hectically around his ear and the feeling of a warm toilet seat. Favourite topic: writing about political intrigue involving biscuits.