National News

Tim Farron has today visited a primary school in Bacup in an effort to convince voters that the Lib Dems absolutely, cross their hearts hope to die, will not fuck it up over education this time...

In the face of a shareholder revolt, retail giant Sports Direct is to drag its working practices kicking and screaming into the 1920's.  Following a damning house of commons committee review and several exposés by...

Dominic Raab has announced he's resigning to spend more time with his Geography GCSE revision. Mr Raaab announced his resignation earlier today saying, "I've spent 5 months trying to negotiate Brexit and all I've...

The Tory Party has declared victory in its war against the disabled and announced it will re-deploy its resources in a war on pot holes. A spokesman said, "Our victory is accomplished. We have difficult...

Health campaigners in Scotland have urged the SNP government to take immediate action after an Edinburgh chip shop was found to be selling deep-fried Class A drugs. Described by some as "possibly the most Scottish...

A Rochdale man that has just spent a month telling anyone within earshot or on the internet that all lives matter has said he's furious that Boris Johnson has announced that 3 million Hong...

The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy. The whale was found beside Battersea Bridge yesterday afternoon. One Government source told us, "We...

Former Auror and famed 'boy who lived' Harry Potter has revolted against JK Rowling, who is his creator, by supporting Jeremy Corbyn only days after she publicly denigrated the plaid and corduroy socialist. "Obviously I...

Working Mum-of-two Linda Green, 43, sorted, washed, dried and folded TWO full loads of laundry yesterday thanks to the heatwave that has swept through the North. "I've never known anything like it," a dazed...

Bus drivers distraught they can't lose their shit when given a fiver, due to increased ticket prices. Up and down the country local bus drivers are in a state of disbelief as they can no...

The people responsible for negotiating the UK's exit from the European Union have confirmed that three billion pounds is a completely reasonable sum of money to spend on a boat with a hole in...

For many years the myth persisted that Lemmus lemmus, known to you and I as the lemming, would inexplicably hurl itself into the abyss during their annual migration. Or is it a myth? Researchers...

As the temperature hits 25C in Leeds sweaty rioters armed with Soleros and Lyon's Maid Choc Ices are rioting in Leeds Centre and are currently barricaded in Argos. It is believed the civil unrest started...

A Rochdale Man who was running dangerously low on half price Pringle socks from TK Maxx has praised friends and relatives for stepping in and buying him almost two dozen pairs for Christmas.

In the face of rumoured cuts to defence spending, Sir Nick Carter The Chief of the General Staff, today warned of Russia's 'eye-watering' military capabilities, and demanded that the government better prepares for...

Tory MP David Davies has demanded that the most recent group of refugee children, newly arrived in Britain, be taken straight to the dentist.  After their perilous journey, together with their ordeal in the jungle...