Southern Rail

After success with beavers in Scotland, trains to be reintroduced in South of England

16
Following the success of the reintroduction of beavers to Scotland, experts are planning to repeat the experiment with the rare and previously thought extinct...

KFC chicken shortage averted with introduction of all new recipe

0
KFC lovers around the country are thrilled that their local branches are reopening with an all new menu. Chiefs at the multi-national fast-food chain have...
Michael Gove

Plan to put Michael Gove in Wicker Man on Saddleworth Moor receives cross party...

0
It's been revealed that a plan to put Michael Gove in a Wicker man on Saddleworth Moor has gained cross party approval and could...

Just 126 sleeps until Xmas, says cat

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A local cat, Elvis Snoogums, has spoken of his excitement as Christmas gets ever closer. Speaking exclusively to the Rochdale Herald Elvis told us, "Soon...

Damien Green MP makes xxxpenses claim for Porn Hub premium membership

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Allegations have recently arisen that Conservative MP and incumbent minister of the cabinet office, Damian Green MP had been browsing and downloading 'thousands' of...
Mo Farah

QUEEN defends herself from MUSLIM IMMIGRANT with SWORD

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According to reports in the Daily Mail today the Queen has been forced to defend herself from a marauding Muslim immigrant with a sword. A...
Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn urges Labour MP’s to get behind Theresa May or risk making him...

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Jeremy Corbyn has told Labour MP's that they had better get behind Theresa May and her, "And then there were none" vision of Brexit...
David Davis

David Davis organises piss up in brewery on wrong day

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The Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union reportedly organised a smashing piss up in a brewery to celebrate New Year's Eve on...
Brian

Corbyn confirmed as ‘not Messiah, but a very naughty boy’

19
In a shock revelation today, it has been confirmed that the Labour leader and General Election candidate Jeremy Corbyn is not in fact the...

Burnley mum left ‘fuming’ after finding half a vegetable in packet of frozen rats

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A Burnley supermarket has been forced to remove dozens of dead rats from its shelves after a customer reported finding half a vegetable inside...

Polite man starves to death whilst holding door open for ungrateful strangers

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A polite man has starved to death in full view of the public while holding a door open for ungrateful strangers at the John...
Traffic

Workman spotted doing some work on the £15BN M62 Roadworks

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The bloke who is doing all the work on the £15BN M62 road improvement scheme has been spotted on site for the first time...
Spa Day

Why can’t we just do a spa day and go to bed early, says...

51
In a world first a group of lads from Rochdale have posed the question, "why can't we just do something civilised and get a...

Britain First blame Foreigner for it being Cold As Ice

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We don't care if you've heard this joke before, because for us, it Feels Like The First Time. Dirty White Boy fan club Britain First...
Wayne Rooney

Wayne Rooney moves from second best team in Manchester to second best team in...

0
Thatched-roofed footballer Wayne Rooney was yesterday given away by the second best team in Manchester to the second best team in Liverpool. He moves...

Britain First’s Paul Golding and the EDL’s Ian Crossland announce engagement

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Shock today as Britain First leader Paul Golding announced he is to marry EDL chief, Ian Crossland. Although the pair often claim to support gay...

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