Burnley

Burnley announces plans to be available in colour by 2022

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Burnley Council has announced plans for town to be available in colour from 2022. Just the Town Centre will be effected initially. The announcement...

Chinese space station crashes into Burnley causing £12-50 worth of damage

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The Tiangong-1 Chinese space station that has been out of control since 2016 finally crashed down to Earth in the early hours of Monday...
Gaza

Israel celebrates Eurovision win by bombing Gaza strip

Israel has celebrated winning the Eurovision song contest with a massive aerial bombardment of the Gaza Strip and shooting dead some Palestinian civilians. Nine Palestinian...
Boris Johnson

Women in Burkhas look ridiculous, says man who looks like an overweight mop

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Boris Johnson has once again found himself under fire due to comments he made likening women who wear Burqas and Niqabs in appearance to...

I married him for rugged good looks and winning personality claims Melania Trump

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Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.

Christmas ruined as Santa fails CRB check

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Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed. The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, "Santa...
Rees Mogg

You lost get over it, Jacob Rees-Mogg told

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night. Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group...
Prince Harry

Prince Harry to marry woman he is barely related to

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Prince Harry is breaking with Royal protocol by marrying an American actress he is barely related to. Kensington Palace are said to be disturbed  saying...
Flat earth map

Sheffield Council declare majority of citizens think world is flat

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Sheffield Council has been forced to declare their belief in a flat earth after applying the same statistical analysis to a recent on-line poll...
Plumber

London’s last affordable plumber shot by poachers

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London's last surviving affordable plumber has been killed by poachers in Clapham, according to a conservation group that protects a dwindling group of reliable...
Corbyn Glastonbury

Jeremy Corbyn announces plans to nationalise the Glastonbury Music Festival

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Standing on the Pyramid stage at Glastonbury, Jeremy Corbyn had a Eureka moment. "If all these bloody people can afford to come here at these...

What’s Sinister about asking academics to wear armbands to identify themselves? Asks Conservative MP

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A conservative MP and government whip has written to all of the universities in the UK demanding that all the academics and experts in...
Trump Air Force one

Donald Trump arrives in Germany and says ‘Ich bin ein Binliner’ Berlin agrees

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President Donald Trump landed in Germany Sunday morning to kick off the first leg of his 12-day trip to Europe. Trump held a surprise press...
Nurses

NHS crisis averted after 33,500 nurses found down back of sofa

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Whitehall: There has been widespread relief around the UK after reports that the deepening staffing crisis in the NHS has been averted after tens...
Rees Mogg

Rees-Mogg puts his clock back 200 years

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has, today woken up in 1818 after instructing his Valet to put his clock back 200 years. His Butler, Riff Raff told us,...
Trump Flag

All soldiers know what they are signing up for, that’s why I dodged the...

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The West Wing has been forced to defend President Trump against malicious disinformation about his health and state of mind for months. Allegations about his...

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