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A new fundraising campaign from Oxfam appealing to the better nature of child abusers is asking for just £3 a month to pay for drugs and sex with children for Aid workers. "Obviously our paedophiles...

Scores of New Year's Eve partygoers descended on London last night to watch the spectacular fireworks display through their smartphones. Over a hundred thousand people stood next to each other with their devices held aloft...

Americans across America are celebrating the fact that for the first time since the invention of calendars there have been more days in the year than mass shootings in America. "It's super! I genuinely can't...

The Burnley Magic Lantern Club has announced that the next Season of The Walking Dead will be filmed in an Asda store in Burnley. Benny Arkwright, president of BMLC: "This will be the first non...

Her Majesty the Queen is expected to travel to Berlin later today to ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel to form a government for the United Kingdom. This morning the royal spokesperson stated, "With such a pathetic...

Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, is due to meet with Theresa May later today to spit in her face and tell her to piss off in person. Theresa May is said to be very excited...

You guys are amazing! As you may know we are running our second annual Secret Santa to buy gifts for children who otherwise wouldn't be getting one this Christmas. In the last week our readers...

Foreign Secretary, Dominic Raab has announced sanctions on the Isle of Aran. Mr Raaab announced the sanctions during a visit to Blackpool Tower in his Hull constituency. In a statement the Foreign Office said, "It...

Local couple Rupert and Penelope Mills have reportedly converted to Satanism in order to get their children into the local cult school after it received an outstanding Ofsted review. Saint Lucifer's in Middleton, an Official...

The Home Office has confirmed that the United Kingdom's post-Brexit passport covers will be halal-certified. The iconic Royal blue cover, which is due to be reintroduced in March 2019, is seen by many Brexit campaigners...

A conservative MP and government whip has written to all of the universities in the UK demanding that all the academics and experts in the UK wear armbands with an EU logo on them. Chris...

Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today. There's been a lot of speculation about how Prince Charles and Trump would...

The Roman Catholic Church is in crisis today after Ireland voted decisively to repeal one of the world's most restrictive abortion bans. The church is now facing an almost total collapse of the number of...

The children of Fascists have been conveying their excitement at there only being 6 more sleeps until poppy day. 7 year old Bill Board said, "Poppy day is my favourite day of the year. I...

The next update to Apple's iOS devices will feature almost 100 Islamic emojis, dubbed Islamojis, replacing almost all Christian iconography available on the iPhone 7. The move has been slammed by Christian critics of Apple...

Jim Bowen, the comedian and inventor of darts is to receive a full viking funeral. Mr Bowen, who invented the game of "darts" in the 1970's, died yesterday at the age of 80. He will...