Man kills woman

0
A woman has been killed by a man, make sure you use passive voice, the article is going to be about the woman This article...
Ann Widdecombe

Anne Widdecombe symbolically frees her slave

0
Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has...

UKIP appoint woman who put that cat in wheelie bin as advisor on cat...

0
The collection of gammon faced halfwits known as the UK Independence party has appointed the internationally famous cat abuser Mary Bale as an advisor...

Right wing extremist appears on Good Morning Britain to interview Tommy Robinson

73
Good Morning Britain producers made the controversial choice today of asking a divisive, opinionated, loud mouth to appear on their show. Piers Morgan was...
Congratulations

Husband remembers to put recycling bin out on right day

0
In a stunning feat of memory and dazzling competence a husband from Rochdale has managed to put the right bin out on the right...
Teenage Pregnancy

Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19

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Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...
Vicki Pollard

Burnley ‘model’ swaps ‘virginity’ for fish and chip supper

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A 19-year old 'model from Burnley has spoken of a dream come true after she swapped her 'virginity' for some fish and chips with...

Child taken from mother after being forced to live as a Tory

26
A seven-year-old boy from Rochdale who had been "living life entirely as a Tory" has been taken from his mother's care following a High...
Burnley Teenager

Burnley schoolgirl goes whole term without getting pregnant

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The leader of Burnley council has called for calm today, after it was revealed a Burnley schoolgirl went an entire term without becoming pregnant. Eric...
Sunshine

Town centres full of fat topless pricks for some reason

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Town centres are chock full of topless, pasty white fat pricks for some reason according to sources. For some reason thousands upon thousands of fat...
Rees Mogg

You lost get over it, Jacob Rees-Mogg told

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has been told to get over losing the no confidence vote in Theresa May last night. Mr Rees-Mogg heads the European Research Group...
Conservative Party

ISIS claim responsibility for Conservative Party Conference

29
The attackers wrote Boris’s jokes, Theresa May’s speech and arranged for all the letters to fall off the wall behind the Prime Minister during her main conference address in an audacious display of comic timing.

Clock in car mysteriously right again

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There was befuddlement all over the UK this morning after every motorist in the country reported that the clock in the car is mysteriously...

Only one more sleep until Dads start Christmas shopping

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Dads are said to be giddy with excitement at the news that it's only one more sleep until they can start their Christmas shopping. Dads...

Woman doesn’t dick about with thermostat

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A woman from Rochdale has taken the extraordinary decision to not dick about with the central heating thermostat. Barbara Dickinson responded to the fact that...
Theresa May

Theresa May meets Nicola Sturgeon to tell her to fuck off in person

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Theresa May met children's entertainer and Scottish First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon today to tell her to fuck off in person. Ostensibly the meeting was to...

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