Spa Day

Why can’t we just do a spa day and go to bed early, says...

51
In a world first a group of lads from Rochdale have posed the question, "why can't we just do something civilised and get a...
Oldham

Move to rename Oldham as Oldtofu welcomed by militant vegans

0
The town of Oldham, Greater Mancashire, has been praised by vegan activists, hipsters and liberal snowflakes alike for taking the progressive move of removing...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling awards ferry contract to Nigerian Prince after receiving fortuitous email

0
Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling has announced that the Government have awarded a contract to provide ferries in the event of a no-deal Brexit. Grayling, the...
Ann Widdecombe

Anne Widdecombe symbolically frees her slave

0
Following her first speech in the European Parliament, we have avoided the term 'maiden speech' as all her speeches are maiden, Anne Widdecombe has...

World in shock as man with history of taking steroids runs faster than bloke...

The World is in shock today after a bloke who has a well documented history of taking performance enhancing drugs ran a bit faster than a bloke who doesn't.
David Davis

David Davis replaced as Brexit negotiator by two short planks

21
The government announced this morning that Chief Brexit negotiator David Davis is to be replaced by two short planks. It's believed the replacement of Mr....
Congratulations

Husband remembers to put recycling bin out on right day

0
In a stunning feat of memory and dazzling competence a husband from Rochdale has managed to put the right bin out on the right...

Northerner brings Kraft Slices to cheese and wine party in Surrey

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A disgraced Northerner has been barred from ever returning to the South, after he humiliated his sister at a bourgeoisie Cheese & Wine evening...

Britain First’s Paul Golding to release prison memoir ‘My Struggul’

1
In tribute to the rabidly anti-Jewish fascist Adolf Hitler, the rabidly anti-Muslim fascist Paul Golding, former leader of Britain First, is doing a sponsored...

Relief for constipated Dog after long search for the perfect spot leads to Downing...

0
There was massive relief for the owner of a constipated dog today, as their long search for the perfect dumping spot finally ended in...
Sunshine

Town centres full of fat topless pricks for some reason

0
Town centres are chock full of topless, pasty white fat pricks for some reason according to sources. For some reason thousands upon thousands of fat...
hummus

Northern supermarket to trial hummus

0
News is breaking that a well-known northern supermarket is to start selling hummus at some stores at some point in 2021. It is thought that...
Inflation

Get fit and beat inflation with subsistence farming and foraging, Top Tory tells poor

1
Tory ministers are expected to announce a three part plan to tackle obesity and food inflation later this week.

Only 6 sleeps until poppy day, fascist children told

0
The children of Fascists have been conveying their excitement at there only being 6 more sleeps until poppy day. 7 year old Bill Board said,...

Only one more sleep until Dads start Christmas shopping

0
Dads are said to be giddy with excitement at the news that it's only one more sleep until they can start their Christmas shopping. Dads...

Judge insists stabbing people is fine provided you’re rich and pretty

65
A Judge set a legal precedent today after ruling that stabbing someone is fine provided you are blonde, twenty four, have a posh name, great...

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