Trump Child

Department of Justice confirms that Trump will be tried as an adult

1
The Department of Justice has confirmed that if and when Donald Trump is indicted for colluding with Russia during the 2016 Presidential election he...
Annoyed Cat

Dead mouse on kitchen floor is a warning, not a gift

0
The dead animals that the cat has been dragging in from the garden are not gifts, they’re warnings cats have confirmed. Fluffles the cat, from...
Die Hard 2

Gatwick drone operators arrested after shootout at abandoned church and ski-doo chase across frozen...

0
A team of former special-forces mercenaries have been arrested in connection with the criminal use of drones which has caused the widespread disruption to...
Young Couple

Middle class parents convert to Satanism after local cult school gets glowing Ofsted report

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Local couple Rupert and Penelope Mills have reportedly converted to Satanism in order to get their children into the local cult school after it...

Sex scandal latest – vicar says he was touched by God

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In a startling new development in the ongoing revelations of sexual impropriety, Father Peter O'Fiall of St. Thomas the Dubious Roman Catholic Church in...
Inflation

Get fit and beat inflation with subsistence farming and foraging, Top Tory tells poor

1
Tory ministers are expected to announce a three part plan to tackle obesity and food inflation later this week.
Plumber

London’s last affordable plumber shot by poachers

5
London's last surviving affordable plumber has been killed by poachers in Clapham, according to a conservation group that protects a dwindling group of reliable...

Southern Rail Timetable wins Man Booker Prize for fiction

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The visionary author of Southern Rail's timetable, Bernard Jones, has been announced as the seventh winner of the Man Booker International Prize for fiction. The...
Heating on

Northern Dad puts heating on

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Confirmed reports are in that a Northern Dad in Lancashire has put the central heating on. Airports throughout the UK have been closed, all trains...

Prince Charles admits years of talking to vegetables perfect preparation for Trump visit

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Prince Charles has confirmed that years of talking to vegetables at Highgrove are the perfect preparation for meeting Donald Trump today. There's been a...
Theresa May

Deselecting MPs implicated in electoral fraud before election “Hadn’t occurred to me” claims PM

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The Prime Minister claims the possible loss of up to twenty MPs from a working majority of seventeen in the run-up to Brexit is...

MP claims he was researching book on whether breasts make noises like clown horns

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Leading MP Pete Who speaks out after being named in the Dirty Dossier. The Member of Parliament for Goveshire West, Pete Who, has given a...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson breaks the ice in DUP meeting with “Paddy and Mick walk into...

0
It appears only a matter of hours after a desperate Theresa May formed a coalition with the Northern Irish DUP, relationships have broken down. A...

Many Muslims not rioting in streets

2
The Rochdale Herald learned today that almost two billion Muslims around the world went about their daily business without perpetuating a single crime, let...
Ed Sheeran

Night out at Ed Sheeran gig ruined by Ed Sheeran music

A couple has had their night out at an Ed Sheeran gig completely ruined by Ed Sheeran music. Married couple Steve and Barbara Dickinson from...

Scotland’s oldest man dies aged 35

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Tributes have been paid to Gregor McGregor, Scotland's oldest man who died today aged 35.  An angry man with an impenetrable accent told us, "It's...

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