Stevenage

Slums angered after being compared to Stevenage by Lewis Hamilton

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Lewis Hamilton has upset slums all over the world by comparing them to Stevenage. The five-time Formula 1 world champion made the faux pas while...

Burnley Lidl selling Father’s Day Cards in packs of five

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With Father's Day fast approaching, supermarkets and stationary stores across the country are displaying cards and gifts for children to give to their father this Sunday. Burnley Lidl has raised a few eyebrows with its five card bundle offer.
Sajid Javid

Sajid Javid accidentally deports himself to Pakistan

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Sajid Javid has accidentally deported himself to Pakistan. A Home Office spokesman said, "Mr Javid has said that a hard Brexit is a good thing...

Cute dog is a savage little shit

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A survey of very cute little dogs has discovered that almost 99.9% of them are in fact savage little bastards. The survey which was carried...

Wayne Rooney to be donated to Beijing zoo footballer breeding program

18
Manchester United have announced that they are donating the footballer Wayne Rooney to Beijing zoo. The footballer who has been increasingly marginalised this season will...
Student Loans Company

Bloke from the Student Loans Company still thinks they’re getting their money back

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A delusional representative of the Student Loans Company has said that he is still optimistic that they might get some of the money back...

Conservative Christmas Party cancelled after failing to negotiate piss up deal with brewery

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There was despair throughout the Conservative Party today after government officials announced that the annual Christmas do has been cancelled. The news comes after many...

Trump rally cancels book burning as supporters have no books to burn

12
Plans for an official book burning at a Trump rally in Bumshart California had to be scrapped yesterday after it emerged Trump supporters in...
Wayne La Pierre

Only a good guy with a knife can stop a bad guy with a...

0
The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President...
Oldham

Move to rename Oldham as Oldtofu welcomed by militant vegans

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The town of Oldham, Greater Mancashire, has been praised by vegan activists, hipsters and liberal snowflakes alike for taking the progressive move of removing...

Local man begins annual quest to find Muslim offended by the word ‘Easter’

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Our intrepid reporter Charlie Stuart spends the day with a patriot on a mission.
Guns for sale

Mass shootings are an unsolvable problem says country with a mass shootings problem

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A country that has a really serious problem with deranged lunatics buying really big guns and shooting dozens of strangers has publicly said it...

Jeremy Corbyn in Right Wing Political Correctness Storm

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The political right, bigots, misogynists, anti-feminists and liars across the country united yesterday, to fully embrace political correctness, after the opposition leader was accused...

US celebrates after number of days so far this year overtakes number of mass...

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Americans across America are celebrating the fact that for the first time since the invention of calendars there have been more days in the...
Millionaire

Reader competition, win an exclusive aerial photograph of Gatwick Airport

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The Rochdale Herald is offering readers the chance of winning one of 25 high quality aerial photographs of Gatwick Airport. Gatwick Airport is one of...
Kitten

Fluffy kitten is a double hard bastard

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An adorably fluffy little kitten from Bury has confirmed he is a double hard bastard who is not to be trifled with. 13 week old...

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