Kevin the Carrot beheaded by Muslims.

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Popular TV carrot Kevin was among a bag of carrots snatched from the Oldham branch of Aldi by ruthless Muslim gang the 'Iqbal family'. The...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson awards Carillion contract to build bridge to France

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Boris Johnson's office has revealed that the Government will award the contract to build a bridge between Britain and France to construction company and...
Kardashian

Aleppo Children launch crowdfunding campaign to replace Kim Kardashian jewellery

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Children in Aleppo have called for an official Day of Mourning as they grieve in solidarity with the Kardashian family for the loss of...

Expenses scandal as Jeremy Corbyn claims £30,000 for Hi5 tuition

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has been embarrassed again this week, as he miss-judged yet another high five. Last week the allotment gardening marxist patted fellow MP...

Probably not as many paedophiles on New Year’s honours list as usual, say Buckingham...

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Buckingham Palace has confirmed today that there was probably an unusually small number of paedophiles on this year's New Year's Honours list. "It's been a...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson launches ‘Free Robert Mugabe’ campaign

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The campaign is headed up by Boris Johnson who is thought to believe that if it's successful he could be the leader of Zanu...
Empty bus seats

Thirty nine bus seats arrested in counter-terrorism operation

30
In what police are describing as a “significant” counter-terrorism operation, thirty nine bus seats were arrested today on suspicion of being involved in jihadist...
Melania Trump

Melania did not have sex with horrible old men for money admits Daily Mail

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The Daily Mail have gone on the record today to say that Melania Trump did not and never has had sex with any horrible...
Woman who put cat in a wheelie bin

Woman who put cat in wheelie bin appointed goodwill ambassador to World Wildlife Fund

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In a controversial move the World Wildlife Fund has appointed that old woman who was filmed putting a cat in a wheelie bin in...
Man with mug of tea

Northern man puts teabag directly in bin without putting it in the sink

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In a world first a northern man has put a teabag into the bin without first putting it into the sink for a few...
Meghan and Harry

Aggressive beggars to marry in Windsor Castle in May

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People across the country have been delighted by the recent news that one of the UK's sponsored panhandlers has decided to let a wealthy,...

Just £3 a month will pay for cocaine and child prostitutes for an Oxfam...

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A new fundraising campaign from Oxfam appealing to the better nature of child abusers is asking for just £3 a month to pay for...

Jeremy Corbyn under investigation after making vicar’s daughter cry during hustings

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Leftist wheat-eater Jeremy Corbyn came under fire from his own back-benchers today, after being accused of making a girl cry, and not just any...
James Hewitt

James Hewitt ‘THRILLED’ at Prince Harry’s engagement to Megan Markle

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James Hewitt has said he's 'thrilled' at the announcement of the engagement of Prince Harry to 'some sort from America'. "Many people don't know this,...
Knobhead

Knobhead calls knobhead knobhead

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Renowned knobhead Liam Gallagher has snubbed famous knobhead James Corden by refusing to appear on his TV show Carpool Karaoke. Gallagher, who is currently touring...

Rochdale porn shop raider beaten off with sex toy

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In a bizarre turn of events at Rochdale's number one marital aid retailer, Coxfam, a robbery was foiled when a masked intruder was beaten...

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