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Daily Mail website wins ISIS award for services to Jihad

ISIS have awarded the Daily Mail website, MailOnline.com, its prestigious Jihadi Of The Year Award. This is the first time the sought after prize, known as the Golden Suicide Vest, has been awarded to a...

Apology

In last Wednesdays edition, in the article 'Susan Boyle to sing Dead Kennedys 'Too Drunk To [email protected]' at Trump Inauguration', we incorrectly referred to Ms Boyle as being 'aka The Hairy Cornflake'. This was...

Massive twat claims moral high ground

Yesterday, the Daily Mail sought to reset the nation's moral compass by pointing out the recent flood of speculation about Moscow waterbed shenanigans was the work of "cheap, lazy journalists who ran with fake Trump sleaze to...
Local Rochdale bowls club rocked by doping allegations

Local Rochdale bowls club rocked by doping allegations

The Annual General Meeting of the Bamford Bowls Club was rocked by a scandal when multiple mens champion David Thrimbleton was accused of cheating by a rival. Thrimbleton, 77, has won the club’s top award for 17...

Real children take it like a man says Eric Bristow

Overweight, heavy drinking child rape apologist and national embarrassment Eric Bristow has responded to the horrific revelations that young children have been sodomised by a football coach by implying that real children should take it like a man.

Germany devoid of German Christmas markets

German shoppers are disappointed that they have nowhere to buy lots of pointless tat in the run up to Christmas.  With every British town apparently having a German Christmas market now, Germans are wondering where...

The Smiths to reform for Cameron benefit concert

Legendary 80s Manchester miserablists The Smiths are to reform for a one-off benefit concert for former UK prime minister David Cameron, a spokesperson for the band has confirmed. The concert, which will be the first...

Attenborough Discovers New Great Ape Species In America

Noted elderly naturist David Attenborough was cock-a-hoop yesterday when he announced the discovery of the first new species of great ape for many years. Mr Attenborough announced "We have certainly discovered a new great ape....

Today’s Front Page Stories, at a glance

In a super top secret meeting that took place in Brussels back in June, Jude Law was named as Libya's most dangerous people smuggler. HMS Diamond has been dispatched by the British Navy to...

Telegraph journalist executes her integrity with call to murder politician

Sane people all over the country were horrified, but largely unsurprised, that right-wing publication the Daily Telegraph had called for a political leader to be unlawfully killed. The offensive, rabble-rousing article was written by...

Daily Mail Exposed as a False Newspaper

Jonathan Harmswoth, 4th Viscount of Rothermere, controlling shareholder and current chairman of the Daily Mail has finally come clean and admitted that the newspaper is simply an elaborate hoax that went too far. It has...

David Cameron Prepares to Hand Over As May Is Sworn In As Fourth Horseman...

Breaking news: David Cameron is currently facing the Commons as we speak for his final Prime Minister's Question Time, prior to heading over to the palace to  officially make his resignation, thus paving the way...

Police call time on sex pests

Paedophile sex pests across England and Wales are to be fitted with bells, in a new scheme announced by the police today. The new devices will be shackled to the necks, wrists, ankles and trouser zips of...

Nigel Farage in eleventh hour bid for International Twat of the Year Award

Nigel Farage has made an eleventh hour bid to snatch the "International Twat of the Year Award" from Donald Trump.

Donald Trump awarded prestigious Time Magazine Hitler of the Year Award

Donald Trump has been awarded the Time Magazine prestigious Hitler of the Year Award and is said to be "honoured" by the accolade.

Watson Denies Corbyn Car Crash Rumours

Deputy Leader of the Labour Party, Tom Watson, has denied rumours that recent focus groups conducted by the party to determine popularity of alternative leaders involved simulated car accidents in which Jeremy Corbyn was involved in hit and run incidents.

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